Beauty and the Red Haired Beast
by Lone Wolf NEO
Summary: This chapter is made of pure madness and DFC. Why? Because we all know Ibis is DFC, and DFC is full of love. So what are you looking at? Go and read it; Ceiling Cat demands you.
1. Prologue

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
PROLOGUE**

"Do you, Erio Mondial, take this woman with all your heart and vow to remain loyal to her for the rest of your life?"

"I do."

"And do you, Cinque Mondial, accept this man as your beloved husband and pledge loyalty for all the eternity?"

"…yes, I do."

Carim smiled. "As the Head Priestess of Saint Church, I pronounce you man and wife. Erio-kun, you may kiss the bride."

The veil was slowly taken off. The red-haired teen stared into the young woman's eyes, grinning to see her blush at the delicate touch of his fingers. "Cinque…"

"E-Erio-_kun_… _dame_…"

His right eyebrow batted upward. "Hmm?"

Cinque frowned. "I… actually I never kissed someone before…" she murmured. _"Gomen…"_

Erio chuckled. "What are you talking off? This is my first kiss, too." So saying he cupped her flushed cheeks and lifted her face to meet his. "So let's make it right, okay?"

She remained silent, her tongue too numb to say anything. She nodded, though, and with a shy smile she tipped her feet, bent forward, her mouth parted to accept her husband's gift. "Erio-_kun_…"

Erio moved a bit closer, his head bending down, ready to claim the moist lips. "Cinque…"

The door was suddenly kicked. The wed couple, crews of Saint Church, and the guests turned around. There, standing in all the protests and anger, was a group of girls armed to the teeth. All of them defiantly marched into the hall, stopping in midway at the troop leader's signal.

"What the… hell?"

The troop leader pointed to Erio. "Erio Mondial, I demand you to hand over the bride," she bellowed. "Lest you want me to provoke wrath and trash this memorable day."

The red-haired teen stood defensively before his bride, arms spread open. "You can do nothing about this marriage," he spoke. "It is legitimate, and everyone has expressed their agreement to support it."

"I object!" the troop leader cried out. "I object this wedding! I object everything that led to this marriage! I object everything that comes after this wedding! I OBJECT EVERYTHING!"

Cinque clung onto him, her hands wrapped around his arm. "Erio-_kun_, I'm scared…"

"Do not be afraid, my heart," he replied. "As the knight that upholds codes of honour and dignity, I shall protect you with my body and soul."

Cinque blushed. "Erio-_kun_…"

"How dare you! How dare you take my only life from me?!" So saying the troop leader withdrew her weapons, opened a stance and screamed at the wed couple. "You ruined my whole life by taking it with force! You… you…"

"You've gone too far," Erio replied and activated Strada. "What makes this bride so important that you're willing to put everything on the edge? Answer me."

"Because… because…" There was an untimely pause, as the troop leader glared at the red-haired teen with watery eyes full of hatred.

Then she cried out.

_"BECAUSE ONEESAMA BELONGS TO ME!" _


	2. Chapter 1

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
CHAPTER 01**

**Author's note:** this stage presentation takes place after all events of StrikerS. The Numbers are currently under tight surveillance by the TSAB.

_// previously, Zone Ender Correctional Facility //_

"What? No way. It can't be true."

"Of course it has to be. Otherwise we wouldn't have to do this."

The electric grill door was opened. Escorted by the facility's security guards, the Lost Property Riot Force 6 was led to the playground where some of the Numbers were seen loitering around without any activity. They were oblivious of their visitors as they lay under the afternoon sky.

"I mean, come on! We were already done with Cinderella, and we were also done with them. Why he asked us to carry out another stage play?_Mattaku_."

"Now, now, Hayate-_chan_. It's best that we keep our concern to ourselves."

"I wonder if Lone Wolf ate too much of those Aidilfitri cakes…"

The Aces stopped. One of the security guards asked them to wait and headed to call some of the Numbers. Nanoha, Fate and Hayate were waiting as some of them stood up and approached them, one after another.

"Here they come."

The Numbers walked toward them. Cinque, Nove, Otto and Wendi. Only four of them.

"Are you sure he asked for just four of them?"

"There can be no mistake."

The quartet looked up at the women. They turned to Ginga, who in turn smiled. "Well, I believe you'd be willing to give me some hands," Ginga spoke.

"Oh, no, we don't really mind," Wendi said. "Besides, it's kind of bored when we have nothing to do. Life sucks."

"What do you need from us, Gin-nee?" Cinque asked.

Ginga chuckled. "You're going to help me with my stage presentation."

The quartet blinked. "Stage presentation? What's that?" Otto asked.

"Didn't you know?" Wendi replied and pointed skywards. "That day?"

Otto tilted her head. "That day?"

_// FLASHBACK GOES HERE //_

"Ah-hah!"

People heard idiotically dramatic background music played. They saw dramatic-looking smokes emerging from nowhere, followed by a group of people making dramatic - if not stupid - entrance. While everybody else took cover, and Erio withdrew Strada, Lutecia simply shook her head.

"Oh, please…"

"So what are we going to do?" Quattro asked Uno via intercom, even as the Numbers opened stances of their own.

"_Our objective is to retrieve the Relic and avoid contact with TSAB officers,_" Uno replied. _"Don't do stupid things and create havoc there, okay?"_

Quattro scratched her cheek, laughing like a sissy girl. "_Ettou_… I don't think I can tell the rest of the girls, though," she said. Before Uno could ask what was going on, Tre already shouted a battle cry and pointed to the main hall. "Oh, whatever. _Gomen_, Uno!"

"TONIGHT, WE PARTY IN HELL!" Tre roared.

"_That's right, fellow readers,"_ the narrator said._"Today, the Numbers are supposed to retrieve a relic from the bureau's headquarters but for some arcane reasons Tre, their concurrent leader, decides to have some fun by trashing the party. Has the girls not learned manners?" _

_// FLASHBACK ENDS HERE //_

"And thanks to YOU, we had to detain you for an indefinite amount of time," Subaru retorted and pointed to Nove's face. "You ruined everything on that day, party thrasher!"

"I did not!" Nove replied. "Besides, that Imotou really started everything! And she even… she even made kittens rape Tre!"

_// ANOTHER FLASHBACK GOES HERE //_

"She looks weak," Tre chided and pounced at Imotou. "Let's see if she can dodge--" To her surprise, Imotou already dodged the tackle! _"Ba-baaka na!"_

Imotou giggled. She pointed Raising Heart and Tre and shouted: "SHOOT-O!"

Tre was startled because what came out of the "mobile particle cannon" was not the magenta-coloured beam of death but **a hundred of Shamisen**! Tre was even horrified when all the cats pinned her down, meowing and purring as they rubbed themselves against her body._"Hanaste! Hanaste!" _she moaned in distress and squealed when one of the cats bit her earlobe.

"_Poor Tre,"_ Ten no Koe commented. _"Strong as she seemed, she was helpless against the hazardously fluffy horde of meowing fur-balls, and the people were not helping either as they gaped at the good-figured Number in excitement."_

Even Erio blushed in stimulation when one of the Shamisens nuzzled its nose against Tre's bosom, before Caro furiously and POSSESSIVELY gave him a Stone-Cold Stunner. Lutecia merely knelt next to the knocked-out Erio, staring at his blissful face in affection.

"Go for the neck, Shamisen!" fan boys rooted. Shamisen did, and Tre both giggled in pleasure and yelped in grief. Fan boys roared in approval and got knocked out due to haemorrhage.

"Tre! Hang on! I'll save you!" Nove jumped at Imotou, intending to attack her from behind but Imotou's reflex made her aim miss. "_Shimatta_!" She turned back at the Barrier Jacket-donning girl who already gave her an Egyptian Mau kitten.

"_Haii, dozo,"_ she offered.

"Ka… KAWAII!!!!" Nove gushed and took the innocent kitten, cuddling it comfortably in her arms. "It's so warm…"

"Nove! You aren't helping!" Tre shouted and moaned again when a Shamisen licked her lips. _"Iyah! Dame!"_

"ZOMG! Imotou is HAXX!" the rest of the people shouted. "Who the hell taught her?!"

_// ANOTHER FLASHBACK ENDS HERE //_

Tre shivered. "Get that cat off me!" she cried out.

As Nove and Subaru started exchanging eye lasers, Cinque approached Ginga and looked up art her. "So, the reason you gather us here is to ask us to take part in this… stage play. Is that correct?"

"Yes, it is," Ginga answered. "As a matter of fact, we have agreed to choose you as our main star."

Nove and Subaru stopped arguing. Wendi gasped. The Aces could only laugh. Otto remained clueless. It took them -- ALL OF THEM -- three minutes before one of them broke the silence.

"Oneesama is the heroine?? USO DA!!!" Nove screamed.

"Gin-nee! Cinque is going to be the leading actress?" Subaru exclaimed. "But does he know of this?"

"He?" Cinque asked.

Ginga remained calm as she looked at Erio who had just arrived. "The cast line-up had been pre-arranged, unfortunately. There's nothing all of us can do about it."

"You mean… Cinque-nee's going to…"

"…be paired up…"

Subaru and Nove pointed to Erio's face. "WITH THIS RED-HAIRED SHORTIE!!!????" they hollered.

Erio blinked. "Is there something on my face?"

"Well, Ginga, we leave them to you," Nanoha said and headed back to the waiting security guards.

"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing," Ginga assured them.

"Good luck, then," the Aces replied.

Ginga waved to her colleagues and turned back to the Numbers. "So, shall we begin?"

"Excuse me, Gin-nee," Wendi spoke. "But how does a stage play work? We were never taught of anything like this before." Otto nodded in agreement with her sister.

Ginga was about to answer when Erio suddenly went Casanova and approached Wendi, red rose mysteriously clamped between his lips. "Just leave this matter to me, Miss Wendi," he said with a sparkling smile and flying rose petals.

"Err… excuse-"

"You don't have to say anything, Miss Wendi," Erio spoke in confidence. "I will teach you everything you need to know about mankind."

"ROMEO MONDIAL IS MADE OF FAILURE!!!" Subaru and Nove shouted and delivered a double uppercut that sent Erio high into the air. The red-haired boy crashed back into the earth, and was trampled to death by the little sisters. "ROMEO MONDIAL MUST DIE!!!!"

"Subaru, Nove, please calm down!" Ginga pleaded.

"How are we supposed to calm down," Nove replied and strangled Erio, "when this _beast_ is the hero? I disapprove! I'm supposed to be the main cast instead of him!!"

Cinque blushed. "Nove…"

"Erio bags all the lolis," Lutecia commented with a Seto San-like facial expression as she suddenly appeared next to Otto. "Erio wants to be the enemy of mankind."

"Lute-chan, how good to see you here," Ginga said. "Would you like to help?"

Lutecia nodded. "Sure."

Erio managed to dislodge Nove's arm lock, but was kicked by Subaru in the process. He was sent back towards Nove, crashed onto her, and fell onto the ground. Everybody, especially Cinque, gaped in disbelief, because:

**One**: Nove was on top of Erio in dominative position.  
.  
**Two**: Erio was under Nove in submissive position.  
.  
**Three**: Erio and Nove were holding hands in suggestive manners.  
.  
**Four**: Nove's face was an inch or so from Erio's.  
.  
**Five**: Nove and Erio were blushing furiously.

"Erio is the worst," Lutecia jeered. "He drops Cinque-chan and goes after her younger sister instead. Why must he choose one when he can take both?"

"Erio-kun…" Cinque murmured before she mimicked Lutecia's facial expression. _"Sukebe."_

Erio snapped. "It was an accident! It was Subaru-" Subaru was whistling as he pointed at her. "Hey! You made me do this!" He moved, but in the process, his hands _accidentally_ rested upon Nove's breasts. Aw, yeah, right. Accidental. Go figure.

_--"Sonic Move!!"--_

With Strada activated, his hands involuntarily kneaded and moulded the young woman's ripe mounds. Erio was horrified but could not stop his hands from doing THIS and THAT to Nove. "OH SHI-"

"_**BAAKA HENTAI!!!!!"**_

Nove sent Erio into the sky with a Naru Punch. "He molested me…" she gasped and started shivering in horror. "He dared molesting me…!" She broke into tears and was wailing bitterly as Ginga gave her a comforting embrace. "I've lost my virginity to that red-haired shortie! Now I can't marry anymore…"

"Hush now," Ginga whispered and softly rubbed her back. "Oneechan is here for you."

"Gin-nee…"

Cinque, Otto, Wendi, Subaru and Lutecia gaped at the "sisterly embrace" scene. "Though I don't like her, I feel kind of sorry for what Erio had done to her," Subaru said.

"I can't help but agree with you," Cinque spoke.

"But this is going to be one exciting activity," Wendi said. "So let's give it our best try! Shall we?"

"Ou!" the rest of the girls agreed and threw their fists into the air.

Nove giggled and pressed her head against Ginga's bosom. "Gin-nee is so soft…" she cackled and rubbed her nose against the secret valley.

"Nove-_chan_! What are you doing?!" Nove ignored Ginga's plea and continued nuzzling her breasts, occasionally resting her hand upon it. The purple-haired woman moaned in distress when the Number buried her face deeper into the soft chest cushions. "Nove-_chan_! Stop it! AH! _DAME_!!!"

"NOVE-_CHAN SAIKKO DESU_!!!!" Zone Enders Correctional Facility personnel roared in approval and bled their nose. _"BANZAI!! BANZAI!!!!"_

**Subaru killed Zone Enders Correctional Facility personnel with Double Revolving Knuckles.**

"Sometimes, I wonder if Nove has learned to be _naughty little sister_," Wendi said and glanced to the equally embarrassed Cinque.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Erio crashed outside the correctional facility. "Ouch. That punch has got to hurt." He got up., sat down on the grass, and gazed at his palm. "So soft…" he murmured and cackled. "And they fit in my hands, too."

He suddenly shivered. "What is this killing aura??" He turned around and saw a pinkhaired girl holding what looked like an iron mace.

"_E-Rio-KUN."_

"Err… yes?"

_Caro Lu Rushe smiled. "Prepare to die."_


	3. Chapter 2

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
CHAPTER 02**

_// one day before stage play //_

"Alright, everyone," said Ginga as she began on-the-spot theatre class with the young actors and actresses. "Before we begin our first lesson, I want to know whether anyone of you has taken part in any stage play before." Subaru, Teana, Lutecia, Caro and the badly-beaten Erio lifted their hands (the red-haired boy was crying for help, even as Caro continued beating his head with metal fan), while Nove, Cinque, Wendi and Otto did not. "Nove-_chan_, Cinque-_chan_, Wendi-_chan_ and Otto-_chan_."

"Yes, Gin-nee?" they asked.

"Perhaps it's best if we could show you the basics of understanding your character." So saying she gave the artists their pre-designated scripts. "I want each and every one of you to read the scripts and practice with your friends. I'd like to see how far you can go."

_"Haii,_" they replied and took their time reading the scripts. It only took a couple of minutes before Nove and Subaru screamed in dismay and pointed to each other's face. " NO WAY! I HAVE TO BE PAIRED UP WITH THEM?????"

Otto looked confused as she turned and flipped the pages. She looked up at Ginga who was asking her what happened. "Who is Teacup Junior?" she asked.

The woman giggled and took her seat on the bench between Otto and Wendi. "It means for this stage play, you'll be the child of Mrs. Teapot, who will be played by Wendi-_chan_. I do make myself clear, don't I?"

"My, my, look at our Master," Wendi spoke and made various facial and hand gestures as she tested the scripts. "Coming back from his hunting trip empty-handed. I so pity him for failing to take care of his lowly self, let alone this whole mansion." Everybody clapped hands and Wendi bashfully thanked them for the warm reception. "I thought I could liven up my character a bit before the actual stage play."

"Objection!" Along came Erio's voice as he stood up and pointed to Wendi. "It is not under my will that I am unable to look after myself. With all the hunting and the preparation for the Man's (detention centre's alarm censor), along with this curse, how can I take care of my life? Who do you think I am?"

"Why, Master Mondial," Wendi resumed her lines. "It was your fault in the first place to prohibit the old lady from staying in this mansion. It was your fault, too, that we, your obedient servants, were put under the same curse. Look at you," she said and pointed back to the boy's face. "You're hairy. You're ill-mannered. You're bad-tempered. You're smelly. You're difficult to restrain." With each word Erio twitched in horror, as if he was stabbed from all directions by Gate of Babylon-ed Colossal Blade, Lancer Cannon, Zephyr Sword and Graviton Cannon. Caro was looking down at the crippled Erio, as he was gasping for help.

"Not considering the mask you have to wear to conceal your identity," Wendi continued and revealed the V for Vendetta mask.

Erio recovered and asked back: "Mask? What kind of mask? I didn't remember having **T3H MASK** with me."

Wendi wagged a finger as a 'no-no' sign. "I didn't say **T3H MASK**. I just said 'the mask'. You naughty boy. No wonder why you're the most dangerous enemy of mankind."

Erio twitched in horror for the second time. "Caro, help… I'm sinking…" he pleaded as he melted into a pile of fleshy matter.

Ginga left the two artists with their antics and approached Cinque. "What's the matter? You look worried."

Cinque nervously nodded. "I'm not sure if I can bring this role to its fullest expectation," she spoke. "I… I've never been in activities like this before."

"Nonsense. You surely did, didn't you?" Ginga replied.

"Well," Cinque said. "Doctor is always obsessed with his freedom speeches. Who does he think he is? Shuu?"

-

-

_// Southern Pacific, SRW: OGS universe //_

The Neo Granzon was dodging the Psybuster's Caloric Missiles when its pilot suddenly sneezed. "What's this? The supreme Shuu Shirakawa actually sneezes in the middle of the battle? DOES NOT COMPUTE!!" Shuu's familiar Chika jeered.

"Don't mind me," Shuu said and turned his attention to the Psybuster. "You know you can never defeat me forever, Masaki."

"Not without trying, Shuu!" Masaki Andoh replied.

"As you wish," Shuu said and opened the Neo Granzon's chest cavity, revealing a black orb of anti-matter energy. "Black Hole Cluster… HASSHA!!!"

"I won't let you defeat me!" Masaki replied and made the Psybuster crossed its arms. "COSMO NOVA!!"  
-

-

"Besides, he was always busy with his plan for a greater and better future without ever thinking of us," Cinque mumbled with her pouting face. "Remember when he was detained? He said he would continue believing in his ideas even though he was sent to curb, because he believed it was his duty to save the world from corruption. Seriously, he needs severe brainwashing."

Ginga giggled and patted Cinque's head. "Don't worry. You can do it," she said.

Instantly fan boys materialized in the correctional facility's perimeter and started cheering for Cinque. "YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT!" they roared and flagged banners and posters with her name written on.

"Can someone kill them?" Wendi complained. "Just because they're fans of Cinque-oneesama doesn't mean they can do whatever they want to."

"Boo-hoo," Fan boys jeered. "Wendi-_chan_ is jealous at Cinque-_chan_! Wendi-_chan_ just wants to take all the credits for herself!"

"I'm not jealous!" Wendi shouted.

"But I…" Cinque was startled when Ginga gave her a very warm and comforting hug. "Gin-_nee_?"

"Cinque, believe in me who believes in you," Ginga whispered and slightly tightened the embrace. "_Not in you who believes in me, but in me who believes in you. Okay_?"

Fan boys cried manly tears. "Ginga has quoted the great Aniki!!!!! GINGA-_NEE SAIKKO DA_!!!"

_("I didn't know your Oneechan is a fan of Gu-(CENSORED)-Gann," Nove said._

_"Well, Oneechan has been watching a lot of super robot shows recently," Subaru said. "Like Super Robot (CENSORED) War, Gao-(CENSORED), and the list is endless."_

_"I can see that, but why are we (CENSORED)-ing words?" Nove asked._

_"It's about copyright. Besides, everyone's inspired from each other or the other way around," Subaru reminded. "Like how my Revolving Knuckles are inspired from Alt (CENSORED)'s Revolving Bunker, and how Fate-san's Plasma Zamber borrows the design of Zen-(CENSORED) Zom-(CENSORED)'s Zan-(CENSORED) attacks?"_

_Nove blinked. "I can never understand SRW freaks like you.")_

Ginga continued cuddling Cinque. The eye-patched girl did nothing but stay immobile; somehow, she wanted to stay in Ginga's arms for a bit longer. Somehow, she missed the warmth of a loving sister's embrace, and wanted to feel it for a bit longer.

Lutecia noticed the fan boys drooling over the Cinque/Ginga scene. "Useless. Garyu." The humanoid bug appeared on Lutecia's command and knelt behind her. "Exterminate those lowly louses."

_--"Yes, Mistress."--_

Garyu turned to the fan boys. With the scarf (note: **THE LEGENDARY SCARF**) flapping with the rhythm of the wind, it opened a stance reminiscent to that of Kamen Rider, jumped into the air and suddenly dived towards the horde.

**_"PLASMA (CENSORED) DIVE!!!!"_**

Nove and Subaru turned to the chaotic disorder, and blinked in amazement as Garyu continued owning the fan boys Kamen Rider style. "For one thing, Nove," Subaru spoke, "is Lutecia a fan of Kamen Rider?"

"I don't know," Nove shrugged. "But Lutecia's fond of everything scarf and flying kick. By the way, her favourite is Kamen Rider Black."

"Oh, okay then," Subaru said.

Ginga finally let go off Cinque. "Cinque, if you have any problem, you can meet me anytime from now. I'm always free for you," she said.

"Does this mean…" There was a faint blush tinting her cheeks as Cinque stopped talking due to shyness, but she braved on. "I can visit you tonight for extra help?"

"Of course you can," Ginga said and gave the girl a **_soft kiss on her cheek_**. "You're always welcomed."

Nove and Subaru gasped. "Cinque visiting Gin-nee in the middle of the night?" They looked up into the sky, and were furiously blushing as their imagination went wild.

_// WILD FANTASY GOES HERE //_

Ginga and Cinque were seen holding hands in suggestive way, their clothes barely covering their beautiful figures. Sparkles and bubbles could also be seen filling the room, as the two women continued holding onto each other, oblivious of what happened around them.

"I'm scared…" the blushing Cinque said. "Gin-_nee_, what should I do?"

"Don't be afraid, Cinque-_chan_," Ginga spoke, and giggled as Cinque gasped in shock the moment she brought her into the bed. "This is just between the two of us. No one will know. Right?"

"Gin-_nee_…" Cinque murmured and shivered when Ginga ran her fingers down her spine. "_Ah_, Gin-_nee, dame…"_

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle…" Ginga whispered and closed in the distance, so her face was an inch from Cinque's. "Cinque-_chan_…"

"Gin-_nee_…" Cinque closed her eyes, her lips automatically parted as to accept Ginga's _special gift_.

_// WILD FANTASY ENDS HERE //_

"Alright, who let go off the bunnies?" Subaru demanded and took the scripts. "We must begin the practice! PRACTICE!" she declared in frantic.

"TRUE! PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!" Nove added and started practicing the scripts with her archrival.

Erio, on the other hand, profusely bled his nose. The thought of Ginga and Cinque doing THIS and THAT in PRIVATE was too much for the young soul to cope with. He left Caro and was making a dramatic pose in the middle of the perimeter as he shouted: "QUICK! WE MUST HAVE THE CAMERAS INSTALLED AND SATELLITES POSITIONED! THAT SCENE IS MADE OF GREAT JUSTICE AND ABSOLUTE WIN!!!!"

"THE ERIO HAS SPOKEN!!!!" fan boys roared and bowed to him.

**_Kamen Rider Garyu killed Erio and fan boys with Heavenly Garyu Kick._**

Lutecia and Caro approached the crippled Erio's body. They looked down at the red-haired boy, smirked and pointed to his face. "Owned."

Otto became more confused than ever. "But what am I supposed to do?" she asked. "Me as Teacup Junior? Does this mean I have to be an actual cup?"

"That reminds me," Wendi said. "Do we have the full actors list?" She browsed through the scripts and found the said list. "Oh, here it is. Let me see…"

**DIRECTOR**  
Ginga Nakajima

**CO-DIRECTOR**  
Shamal

**SCRIPTWRITER**  
Lone Wolf NEO

**COSTUME DESIGNER**  
Hayate Yagami

**TECHNICAL ENGINEER**  
Shario Finieno

**CASTS  
**Erio Mondial _as_ the Beast  
Cinque _as_ the Beauty  
Wendi _as_ Madam Teapot  
Otto _as_ Teacup Junior  
Nove _as_ Candlestick  
Subaru Nakajima _as_ Grandpa's Clock  
Caro Lu Rushe _as_ the Witch  
Friedrich _as_ the Witch's Familiar  
Teana Lanster _as_ the Hunter  
Shamisen _as_ the Hunter's Familiar  
Lutecia _as_ the narrator

**SPECIAL GUESTS**  
Van of the Dawn  
Ibis Douglas  
Train Heartnett

Wendi gulped. "Somehow, I sense an impending disaster after I saw the Author's name…"

Otto titled her head. "Shamisen? Isn't that the same cat that raped Tre many chapters ago?" she innocently said.

Tre twitched in horror again. "DON'T SAY THAT NAME AGAIN!" she wailed.

"But why are we having special guests, by the way?" Wendi asked. "And Train Heartnett? Who's that guy?"

_The cue music of Ievan Polka echoed._


	4. Chapter 3

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
****CHAPTER 03**

_// D-DAY //_

The melodic version of "Platinum Lucifer" was echoing in the hall. Everybody was once again invited to the very same hall that had recorded histories as the birthplace of Mid-Childa's most successful, if not the craziest, stage performance.

"I heard we're going to have special guests," one audience said as he took a seat with his friend. "I don't know about the guys, though, but there's supposed to be a girl named Ibis Douglas-"

"Ibis? IBIS?" his friend replied. "As in **'Ibis is LOVE'**?"

The audience nodded. "What's more, she's supposed to be the idol of the Shadow Mirror universe," he continued. "Or so I heard."

"Do you mean she's going to sing and dance for us ONSTAGE???" The man died of bliss and joy.

The side door was opened. Entering the hall was Lutecia (who was accompanied by Garyu) as she approached the mike stand. She looked very cold, solemn and heartless, and seemed to completely take no attention of the audience. At the opposite end, though, the people took a very deep attention to Lutecia due to the Rider outfit she was donning.

"Holy crap! It's Loli Rider!" a fan boy shouted.

"Rori Raida? USO DA!!!" his friend continued.

Lutecia returned the glare. "Garyu."

_--"Yes, Mistress."--_

Garyu needed no words to speak. It simply did what it did best: **kicking people and reasons to curb**. So he opened his combat stance, cried a battle cry and charged at the audience _a la_ Kamen Rider Amazon.

"Lutecia is scary when she's angry," one fan boy commented as he dodged Garyu's Rider Kick.

"But she's cute when she's making the angry face, too," his friend added and ducked to evade Garyu's Rider Punch.

"Now if only Rori Raida meets the Real Raida," the fan boy commented and repelled Garyu's Rider Slash. "Weakling!"

"NO U!" Garyu roundhouse kicked the fan boy into outer space.

_(At the Emiya Residence, Rider was reading a copy of "Casino Royale" with Sakura sleeping on her shoulder and Illiya dozing off on her lap when she suddenly sneezed. "Now who's talking about me?" she wondered and corrected her eyeglasses._

"_Obviously, Rider," Archer spoke as he and Tohsaka Rin took a bite of the watermelon, "someone in the Nanoha Universe is commenting about your lost twin. Besides, someone named Lone Wolf NEO is organizing a stage play performance. What about a visit?"_

_Rider blinked. "I didn't remember having a family member," she said. "And who is this Lone Wolf NEO?"_

"_Someone you'd rather stay away from," Rin answered. Archer nodded to agree.)_

The carnage continued for several minutes and ended after Garyu returned onstage to join up with Lutecia. "Thank you, Garyu." The Kamen Rider-look-alike nodded and disappeared in thin air, leaving Lutecia to the terrorized audience. "Before we start, the director of this stage play has a special message for all of you. Please be seated."

The ceiling-mounted, high-definition widescreen LCD television screen was retracted from its place. Everyone looked up and saw a very familiar face shown on the screen.

"Hello, everyone," Ginga said.

"HELLO, GINGA-_NEE_!" fan boys replied.

"I hope you are doing fine today," she continued.

"YES WE ARE!" they replied.

"Today, we are going to have a special presentation," Ginga continued. "But unlike the previous stage plays, it will have no relationship or whatsoever with the Riot Force 6, because this stage play will be directed exclusively by… ME!" Here she made a cute-looking face by prodding her fingers onto her cheeks and carved a _moe_ smile.

"Ginga-_nee_ is so _moe_!!!" fan boys cheered.

"If Ginga-o_neesama_ is the director, then we are more than satisfied!" fan girls squealed.

"Can anyone kill them with fire?" an annoyed audience grumbled.

"_Sure thing!"_ along came a battalion of US Missile Guardians as they stormed in the hall onboard a HUMVEE and started firing away. They retreated from combat zone, and were now gone with the wind.

"Ginga-_nee_! Do you have any role in this stage play?" another audience asked.

"Unfortunately, I don't," Ginga answered (and made everyone growl in defeat). "But don't worry. I will always be there for you," she continued with a wink. "So just wait for any surprises."

"We love you, Ginga-_neechama_!" fan boys hollered and bowed to her in respect.

"With all these feverish supports," an audience commented, "I can't imagine the bureau's high-ranking officers dropping this for something else."

_(At the Admiralty's office, Chrono and Yuuno were seen arguing over the exclusive right to use the bureau's HD television. The reason? Chrono wanted to watch the stage play, which was broadcasted all across Mid-Childa, while Yuuno wanted to borrow the television set to play the Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare copy he had bought during his tour to Earth._

"_Like I said, the borrowing of this TV set requires me to first approve the application," Chrono said._

"_But I thought archaeologists have the freedom to borrow the bureau's stuffs," Yuuno snarled._

"_You and your video game addiction," Chrono sighed and palmed his face. "Who do you think you are?"_

"_Who do you think I am!?" Yuuno screamed and suddenly jumped onto the table. "I AM MYSELF! YUUNO SCRYA! THE FERET BOY!!!!"_

"_YUUNO-ANIKI!!!!" Chrono's colleagues roared and cried manly tears._

"_Otoko no baaka," Amy sighed. "Now where's my smoked cheese?")_

The TV screen retracted into the ceiling. Lutecia turned her attention to the anticipating audience. "So I hope you are prepared for this special stage presentation," she spoke.

"Scary Lutecia is scary," an audience murmured. "Can't you at least smile to us? Just a _little bit_?"

"…" Lutecia glared at the audience. "Like this?" she asked and smiled. _Just a bit_.

"APPROVED!" the audience declared and bled his nose.

"_Baaka,"_ Lutecia sighed.

"**Once upon a time, in the no-man's land named Black Forest, there lived a man named… Kamen no Otoko."**

The spotlight was directed to the said person. It was Erio, and he was wearing the Vendetta mask as he walked into the hall.

"Oh, look, it's **T3H Erio**," one fan boy hushed.

"Yes, it's **T3H Erio** indeed," his friend agreed.

"_Enemy of the mankind_, huh?" another fan boy spoke. "That's so fitting."

Erio snapped at the people's lazy response. "Hey, I don't know what's wrong with you people, but what the hell is with 'enemy of the mankind'?" he demanded.

"Denial Erio is DENIAL," the fan boy replied. "Just like his friend Negi."

_(At the Mahora Academy, Negi was having lunch with Nodoka when he suddenly sneezed. Instead of saying "bless you", everybody __**BUT**__ Nodoka was tossed high into the air._

"_Are you alright, Negi-sensei?" Nodoka asked._

"_I have this bad feeling," Negi murmured and rubbed his itchy nose.)_

Everybody started booing, tossing bottles and banana peels at the red-haired boy. Erio had to use his Sonic Move to dodge and parry all the projectiles. "Didn't anyone tell you using projectiles against TSAB officer is against the law?" he shouted.

"Law? What is law?" the people replied and threw more projectiles. "In Soviet Mid-Childa, law abuses **YOU!!"**

"**Kamen no Otoko lived in a castle far away from the reach of any civilization. It was remote, isolated, and nobody wanted to care of its existence."**

At the cue word _"existence"_ the curtains were raised and the audience were presented to the makeshift interior of the said _castle_. The tossing stopped and everybody calmed down.

Well, for a while, at least.

"**Kamen no Otoko earned his life by hunting wildlife and-"**

"I thought T3H Erio would hunt girls and women," an audience commented. "Especially under-aged."

"Yeah, Lutecia should say **"Kamen no Otoko earned his life by hunting under-aged females to be added into his harem"** instead," his friend said.

Erio trembled in both fury and humiliation. "This is getting too much…"

"**-and clearing the forest for logging. He also took payment scaring livestock from restricted areas and meditating."**

"Meditating? Now that's new to us," the audience replied and started imagining of Erio as an old hermit before he shook off the thought. "Does… not… compute…"

Erio ignored the fuss that was happening among the spectators and sat on a lone chair. "Look at me," he said. "I'm a beast. I'm dirty. I'm all messy. Not considering this Vendetta mask I have to borrow from Mrs. Haraoun…"

"Aw, poor Erio-_kun_…" fan girls sighed.

"Wait a minute. Does this mean…" Fan boys turned into green monsters. "Chrono is choosing Erio as the next inheritor of T3H MASK… this sin must be stopped at all costs!" they roared.

_(Back at the Admiralty's Office, Chrono shivered. "What is this feeling?" he asked.)_

"Besides, why is everyone targeting me? I didn't remember doing any crimes of sort," he mumbled.

"_Why, yes, you are, Master Mondial! You forgot that day!"_

"Who's that?" the spectators asked in dramatic fashion.

"**Alone as he may be, Kamen no Otoko was always accompanied by his faithful companions: Madam Teapot and Teacup Junior…"**

Wendi came out of the left wing with Otto. "Oh, look at you, Master Mondial," she began. "Being emotional and melancholic, thinking of your poor fate as a Masked Man on daily basis. I so pity him for failing to understand life."

"Mother, you shouldn't say such things," Otto reminded.

Wendi, instead, laughed braggingly and pointed to Erio. "Why, my little child, Master Mondial here is not only a failure in his daily chores, he even fails his anger management seven times already."

"He did?" the audience asked.

"Well, he isn't **T3H ERIO** for nothing," Wendi answered. "He has everything an enemy of mankind needs. A **hot-looking Sonic Form YANMAMA** and a **cute pink Dragon Loli**. And he wants to bag Vivio-_chan_, too. _(Erio cringed in dismay as Spears of Longinus plunged into his body en masse.)_ Right, everyone?"

"True, true," everybody replied. "Erio is a _lucky yaro_… he is a _HAPPY YARO_…"

"…**and the Candlestick and Grandpa's Clock."**

Subaru and Nove appeared next. They were seen arguing over their unfinished business, and did not take care of the people who were looking at them in wonder.

"I guess we have ourselves a comic relief, aren't we?" an audience asked. "But why Nove? Why not Subaru's partner Teana?"

"I don't know," his friend shrugged. "But man, Nove and Subaru are just like cat and dog, right?"

"**WE'RE NOT!"** Subaru and Nove objected.

"Will anyone of you please SHUT UP!?" Erio screamed and smashed the chair into pieces. "Yes, I am THE BEAST. Yes. I am THE MASKED MAN. Yes. I am T3H ERIO. But at least I am myself, not somebody else!"

"**Erio fails his anger management again,"** Lutecia commented.

Erio dropped onto his knees, and was shun by spotlight from above. "I just want to have an ordinary life… but nobody wants to love me…" he sobbed.

"Emo Erio is EMO," the audience jeered. "Go and cry in your mama's arms."

_(Fate was feeding Nanoha who had suddenly fallen sick after leaving the detention centre with pudding when she suddenly sneezed. "Bless you, Fate-chan," the bedridden Nanoha said._

"_Thanks, Nanoha-chan," Fate replied.)_

Wendi approached the frontal edge of the stage. "So what's the story behind our form?" she spoke and pointed skyward. "Let's just say Master Mondial refused to give the poor beautiful witch a warm one-night stay in his mansion…"

_// FLASHBACK GOES HERE //_

"Look, Missy," Master Mondial hissed and glared at the pink-haired witch. "I don't know what you want from me, or why you're offering me that basket of bread, but I cannot allow outsiders to come into my castle."

"But Master Mondial, it will not be long," Witch Caro said. "I will leave this place after the snowstorm subsides. Please let this helpless woman stay for one night. Please?"

"Kyuu…" Friedrich squeaked to agree.

"No." Master Mondial's answer was definite. "When I say NO, it is NO," he said and pointed his finger towards Witch Caro's face to emphasize his refusal.

"But Master Mondial…" Witch Caro's gaze became droopy, as she was staring into Erio's eyes. _"Pretty please?"_

"That's enough! You can stay outside and freeze to death, and I won't even care," Master Mondial replied and turned away from the girl.

"Uuu…" Caro started crying. "Even though you're the Beast, you don't have to yell at me that loud…" she sobbed.

Erio panicked. "Caro! Don't start it here! I didn't mean to do that!"

Caro ignored the red-haired boy and continued crying. "Erio-_kun_ is meanie… I'm so going to tell Fate-_mama_…"

"Caro, please stop crying!" Erio pleaded.

"Erio-_kun BAAKA_!" Caro cried out and whacked Erio's head with a mock Raising Heart. "For failing to understand my feeling **-- MY FEELING --** I shall bewitch you with this spell! Master Mondial, you are cursed to live the rest of your life… **AS A MASKED MAN!!!"**

Dramatic music echoed.

_// FLASHBACK ENDS HERE //_

"HOW DARE HE!!!" fan boys roared. "How dare he scream at Caro's face like she was made of nothing? This is an outrage!"

"Kyah! Erio-_kun_ shouldn't yell at his lover like that!" fan girls murmured.

Erio began to sink into the floor. "Help… Caro… Fate-_san_…"

"**And then, there's a secret Kamen no Otoko has been hiding from his servants or everybody else, even before he was cursed."**

Erio suddenly rose from his comatose and assumed a victorious pose, even as he was shun by the _faithful_ spotlight. "I don't care of all these sufferings and tortures, as long as I get to enter the Man's (_Ace Combat 04's missile alarm_)!" he shouted and cried manly tears. "This festival will become the testing ground for courage, hot-blood and determination! I shall become the _(Kabuki actor's "HIYOO!!!" cries)_ man the world has ever seen!"

"What the hell is Erio talking about?" Wendi asked.

"You don't want to know, Wendi," Subaru said and patted her shoulder. "You just don't want to know."

"What? WHAT? I have the right to know! This is a democratic country, right?" Wendi retorted.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"_So, Kamen no Otoko is actually preparing to enter the Man's (CENSORED)? Why are Subaru and the rest of the people reluctant to tell Wendi of the truth? I cannot answer this question, because the final answer depends on the scriptwriter's."_

"Lutecia-_chan_, you're as dry as always."

"_I don't get you, Nove. This ends the first part of this stage presentation. Please stay with us, as our team brings more craziness and uncalculated comedy that is:"_

**BEAUTY AND THE (RED-HAIRED) BEAST**

A special presentation by Ginga Nakajima and her little sisters, which are meant to be a parody of sort. Don't blame us; blame the scriptwriter, instead.

"ONWARDS! TO THE MAN'S (lion's roar)!!!" Erio announced.

-x-x-x-x-x-

_// outside the hall //_

Cinque was alone.

Today, she was supposed to wait for her other Sisters to give them the tickets. With the exception of Jail, Uno and Quattro who could not be released from their cells for security reasons, she had expected the rest of them to show up and give full-hearted support.

A cat suddenly jumped onto Cinque's shoulder. The eye-patched girl was startled and picked up the cat, only to have her cheek licked by the feline creature. "Shamisen?" The cat meowed and nudged its forehead against her chin. "If you're here, then this means…"

Cinque turned around while cuddling Shamisen in her arms. She was startled. It _was her_, and accompanying her was a silver-haired young girl whom she also recognized very well.

"Imotou? Irui-_chan_?"

The girls left their guardians, pounced at Cinque and gave her a happy embrace.

"_Cinque-oneechan! Hisashiburi!" Imotou and Irui said. __**It's been a long time!**_


	5. Chapter 4

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
CHAPTER 04**

_// outside the hall //_

"To tell you the truth," Kyon said as he, his classmate Koizumi Itsuki, Ibis Douglas and Viletta Vadim were seated at the food stall to enjoy the roadside meal. (Haruhi was nowhere to be seen as she was dragging Mikuru around the bazaar, looking for suitable costumes to be fitted on her) "Imotou has been begging me to take her to see the stage play again. I can't help it, since she's a big fan of the people here."

"As expected from our Kyon," Koizumi commented with a chuckle. "Always with his dry, witty comment."

"Thank _you_, Koizumi," wryly Kyon answered.

"What about Irui-_chan_?" Koizumi asked the Super Robot Wars visitors.

"Oh, Irui?" Ibis giggled as she finished her second glass of orange juice. "For one thing, I didn't know she can make friends with people from other universes. Well, at least from my point of view."

"That little girl… she's been begging Ibis to take her to this festival since last week," Viletta said and drank a sip of the red wine. "Not even the Sword that Cleaves Evil can resist her attraction, you see."

_(Onboard the Kurogane, Sanger Zonvolt observed as Touma Kano and Brooklyn Luckfield were exchanging blows when he suddenly sneezed. "Bless you, my friend," his 'old friend' Rätsel Feinschmecker said._

"_Thanks," he replied.)_

Koizumi chuckled again. "Ah, you know cute girls. Who can resist their charms?"

"What I don't get is," Kyon said later on, "is why do I get this bad feeling that we're going to face bad things again?"

"What do you mean?" Ibis asked.

A massive explosion rumbled the complex. Kyon, Itsuki, Ibis and Viletta turned around and saw a mecha crashed into a nearby lake. Kyon could only palm his face in his usual grumbling manner. "Here we go again."

Ibis gasped. "That's… that's an Astelion!"

-x-x-x-x-x-

It's Day Two.

And already people from all kind of backgrounds were cramming the hall. Agitated by the absence of their 'beloved' Ginga in the stage play, all they could do was waiting for the narrator to come out. And they had the time to discuss on the princess who would tame the Beast's wild heart.

"If Caro is the witch, then who's the Beauty?" said one audience.

"I heard it's one of the Numbers," his friend answered. "But it can't be Wendi-_chan_ or Otto-_chan_. Nove-_chan_ already got her role, too."

"So who's going to be the heroine, then?" the audience asked.

With the cue of 'Ashita he no Hikari', the awaited heroine came out of the left wing. Everybody was in for a big surprise, because she was none other than…

"Cinque-_nee_!" fan boys cheered.

Cinque had to hide her embarrassment, and for a good reason: _the maid uniform_ did not suit her at all. "I… you see…" she started speaking. "I was asked by Dr. Shamal to wear this because-"

"Enough saying, Cinque-_nee_," the audience said and cried crocodile's tears. "We understand how you feel. We know how it feels to be someone's dressing model."

_(Backstage, Shamal could not help rolling on the floor, punching the wooden panels as she laughed out loud. "I was just choosing the dress! It was Nove-chan who insisted her to wear it," she said between her laughs._

_Subaru looked down at the medical officer. "I don't get her," Subaru said._

_Standing beside the Revolving Bunker Buster, Nove was shyly fiddling with her fingers. "But Cinque-nee would look sweet in the maid uniform, and… and…"_

_Subaru shook her head in amazement. "And I don't get the Numbers, too.")_

"Really? If everyone said so, then…" Clasping both hands, she closed her eyes and began murmuring something in low voice. "Thank you for understanding my feeling."

"Hurray for Cinque-_nee_!" fan boys applauded.

"**This is Cinque,"** Lutecia began the narration. **"She lived in the outskirt of the Old Iron Town. An orphan, she supported her life and her two sisters by selling handicrafts at the market."**

The audience nodded. "Yes, yes. Numbers Sisters, we can see that," they said.

"Today, I'm going to buy my little sisters dinner," Cinque began her monologue. "I know it won't be as extravagant as I have always dreamed of, but as long as they smile, I will be happy."

"Aw, that's so sweet…" everyone sighed.

"Oneechan, _mitte! Mitte!"_

The audience was caught in horror. The cry was frighteningly familiar, and they suddenly had the worse premonition of a walking disaster. "That voice! Don't tell me…"

At the cue music of "Hare-Hare Yukai" Imotou and Irui jumped out of the right wing and hurled at Cinque. "Oneechan, you're going to buy us dinner? Can we go with you?" Imotou asked and tightened the embrace.

"Cinque-oneechan, please buy me candy!" Irui begged.

Cinque smiled and patted the little girl's head. "_Yosh, yosh_. I'll buy you not candy but delicious roasted chicken for every one of us," she said.

"We're going to eat chicken for dinner? Hurray!" Imotou cheered and took the equally excited Irui for a dance. All in a sudden, the hymn "Ave Maria" started playing in the air, adding the already sisterly atmosphere with the affection and responsibility of a woman.

"Although the inclusion of Imotou and Irui," one audience said.

"Is out of the blue," his friend continued.

"The sight of Cinque as a caring sister," the audience added.

"Is the best damn thing in the universe!" his friend finished.

They later cried out in approval and tossed two thumbs up at Cinque. "THIS IS CINQUE! SHE IS MADE OF LOVE, CARING AND WIN!" they announced. Fan boys whistled in agreement and tossed confetti to the eye-patched girl.

They later turned to the sight of Imotou and Irui. They blushed. "So_moe…"_

"You know, this reminds me of this impossible scenario," another audience said and pointed skywards. "Do you know Ouka Nagisa?"

"Of course I do! Whoever here can forget the loveliness of Ouka-_nee_?" his friend replied. Everybody nodded to agree with the statement.

"She's Latooni's big sister, isn't she? Well, imagine if Ouka-_nee_ did the same Cinque-_nee_ is doing now," the audience suggested.

_// WILD FANTASY GOES HERE //_

Ouka and Latooni were holding hands in suggestive way, their night gowns barely covering their figures, beautifully created by the Hands of the Creator. Sparkles and bubbles could also be seen filling the room, as the two women continued holding onto each other, oblivious of what happened around them.

Latooni blushed. "I'm scared…" she murmured and clung onto Ouka. "What should I do? This is my first experience, so…"

Ouka giggled at the girl's timidity. "Don't be afraid, Latooni," she spoke and carefully held Latooni between her arms. "This is just between the _two of us_. No one will know. Right?"

"Ouka-_neesan_…" Latooni murmured and gasped when Ouka brought her onto the bed, covering them with the white blanket as they lay down together. "Ouka-_neesan_, what are you doing?"

"I told you I'd show you my secret world, didn't I?" Ouka spoke and traced a finger down her nose. "Then I'm going to fulfil your request tonight. _Just. For. You._"

"You're embarrassing me…" Latooni mumbled and shivered when Ouka ran her fingers down her spine. "_Ah_! Ouka-_neesan, dame…"_

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle…" Ouka whispered and brushed a strand of bluish hair that was running down Latooni's face. "Latooni… you look beautiful…"

Latooni turned away from the woman in embarrassment. "Ouka-_neesan, mou_…"

Ouka giggled. She turned so she was looking down at Latooni, reaching for her hands so they were holding each other in intimate proximity. "Let me admire the beauty just a bit closer…" she said and bent down.

"Ouka-_neesan_…" Latooni closed her eyes, her lips automatically parted as to accept the _special gift_.

_// WILD FANTASY ENDS HERE //_

Everybody bled their nose. "Well, that's one wrong imagination we have there," the audience said and plugged his nostrils.

"Too bad Ouka had to die for her beloved sister…" one person said.

Everybody sighed. "Life sucks…"

Imotou and Irui approached Cinque again. "Oneechan! We have a new trick to show! Would you like to see?" Imotou asked.

"That's very good," Cinque said with a smile. "What do you want to show me?"

Imotou giggled. So did Irui, as both of them took their magic wands and pointed to the ceiling. For a while, everybody sighed in relief to know it was just _a magic wand_.

Until Imotou commanded: "Raising Heart! SET UP!"

_--"Set up."--_

The magic wands transformed into the Shooting Staff of Doom and began charging up in not only Core Linker, but also the power of a Psychodriver. "Holy shit! She's at it again!" an audience screamed. "RUN FOR COVER!"

It was already too late.

"Oneechan! _Mitte yo!_ Starlight…" Imotou began.

"Breaker…" Irui added.

"PSYCHODRIVE SHIFT!!!!"

**Imotou and Irui killed everyone with Starlight Breaker: Psychodrive Shift EX PLUS.**

"So _moe_…" a crippled audience commented with the look of bliss on his face. "So _moe_ I'm going to die…"

Lutecia ignored the fantasy-ridden people. **"So as promised, Cinque departed to Old Iron Town and visited the grocery market to buy everything she needed for the dinner."**

The stage was set to display a makeshift market, where the extra casts were _actually_ paid to play their roles. Cinque was also present, buying groceries and foods for the special night with her sisters. Unknown to her (and probably the rest of the production crews and the audience) was that Ginga was also among the extra casts, disguising as a Gypsy fortune teller.

"Little girl," Gypsy Ginga called as Cinque was walking past her booth.

Cinque turned to her. "Uh… yes?"

"I see in your eyes that you're going to buy dinner for your sisters," Gypsy Ginga said and rubbed the crystal ball. "Am I right?"

"How did you know?" Cinque gasped.

"Your mouth says no, but your hands obviously say yes," Gypsy Ginga answered and gestured to the basketful of groceries Cinque was carrying.

"Oh, this?" Cinque later giggled in childish manner (and made people blush at the sight). "You saw it. How silly of me."

"Little girl, would you like to hear my premonition?" Gypsy Ginga said. "I'm a fortune teller, so I can tell you everything about your future."

"I'd like to, but I have to hurry or I'll be late for dinner," Cinque replied.

"Oh, I can see now," Gypsy Ginga murmured. "Your future looks promising. You will be united with your Prince Charming, and you and your sisters will lead a happy life."

Cinque blinked. "I don't understand what you're talking of, ma'am."

Gypsy Ginga grinned and gestured Cinque to look into the crystal ball. "Look closer, my dear," she said. "Your future has already been decided."

Cinque peered into the crystal ball. It took her a couple of minutes before she screamed in shock and almost dropped the basket. "WHY AM I PAIRED UP WITH THAT RED-HAIRED BOY???"

Fan boys suddenly turned into Hulk. "MASTER MONDIAL!" they roared and began powering up. "TOUCH OUR GODDESS AND DIE!!!"

_(Behind the stage, Erio shivered in fear as Wendi and Teana were patting his body. "Just forget it, Erio," Teana said._

"_Forget what? I didn't even do anything!" Erio wailed._

"_Cinque already has someone to take care of," Wendi sighed. "Boys… why do they always ask for more?"_

_Caro was seen preparing the G-Impact Stake. "Erio Mondial," she murmured. "Tonight, you'll die a painful way.")_

Gypsy Ginga chuckled. "Just as I thought. The prophecy is indeed true," she said and pointed to Cinque's face, angling her position so her face was still covered by the robe. "Cinque! Your destiny has been preset! You cannot escape it! You have the power to break the curse of the masked man!!!"

Dramatic music ensued. Everyone inside the hall shouted "USO DA!!" at the prophecy and made various facial expressions to show their disbelief.

"But… but…" Cinque gulped when Gypsy Ginga suddenly pulled her towards her. "Why is… Gin-_nee_???"

"Hush," Gypsy Ginga whispered. "This is just between the two of us. Remember?"

Cinque had to nod. "O… okay."

Gypsy Ginga giggled and gave the eye-patched girl a soft kiss on her cheek. "Do not worry, my dear, you will never be alone because you will always have people supporting you." So saying she turned to the stunned audience and grinned. "Isn't that right, everyone?"

"Objection!" one of the crowds replied and pointed to the fortune teller's face. "Who do you think you are, kissing Cinque-_nee_ in front of us without shame? This is madness!"

"Madness? This! Is! STAGE PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!" along came Yuunodas as he suddenly Spartan Kicked the person out of the hall. Everybody was horrified by the sudden appearance of King Yuunodas and his 300 Mid-Childans, and was even more terrified as they took seat at the front row. "Do not mind us. We are here to enjoy the show," he told the people.

"Oh… alright…" the audience timidly replied.

"And one more thing!" Yuunodas added and stood on the chair. "If anyone of you dares disrupting this stage play with phone calls, I shall kick you into curbs! Mid-Childans!"

"HOWL!" the 300 Mid-Childans howled.

"Give them nothing!" Yuunodas shouted. "But take from them…"

"THEIR HAND PHONES!!!!" the soldiers replied.

Then silence. Yuunodas took back his seat and focused on the stage play.

"It's because I can," Gypsy Ginga answered with a sly grin. "Besides, it's a secret I would not like to share with you boys."

"But… but…" the audience tried to protest when Yuunodas glared at him. "What?"

"I said keep quiet!" Yuunodas screamed and kicked the audience into a well. Fan boys howled in approval at the act and cried manly tears.

"**Leaving the market with a thousand and one questions, Cinque decided to test whether the fortune teller's premonition was true or she was just making up things to scare. So…"**

Cinque made a detour from her path and headed to the Black Forest, where she was informed of the existence of the mysterious mansion deep inside the no-man's land. She was worried, not because of Erio's role as the Masked Man, but because of the production crews' decision to have her paired up with the red-haired boy.

"Oneechan!"

She turned around. She was surprised. "Imotou? Irui?"

The young girls approached Cinque. "Where are you going?" Irui asked.

Cinque panicked. "Irui, I… I'm wondering whether I could pay the mansion owner a quick visit," she said.

Irui, instead, giggled_. "Oh, really?"_ she asked Cinque via telepathy. "_I can already tell you're going to meet the Masked Man. Right, Cinque-oneechan?"_

Cinque became more restless. "Irui? How did you…" The Psychodriver simply smiled as an answer.

"Besides," Imotou said and gave the eye-patched Number Shamisen. "If you need to go, then take Shamisen with you."

"Shamisen?" The cat merely meowed and jumped onto Cinque's shoulder. "Imotou… Irui-_chan_… the dinner…"

"Don't worry about us," Irui assured. "We already have someone taking us to the dinner."

"Really? How lucky of you," Cinque replied and patted Irui's head. "But… I was wondering if both of you could come along…"

"Cool! Then I want to see the Masked Man!" Imotou cheered and withdrew Raising Heart from her backpack. "I'll shoot him into the stars if he ever touches Oneechan!" (All but the Mid-Childans backed away from Imotou in fear.) Imotou looked at the crowd in confusion. "What? I just want to become a magician, right?"

"HAXX Imotou is HAXX," one of the people murmured.

Imotou turned to Cinque. "Oneechan, do you know what they're talking of?" she asked. "Do you?"

Cinque turned to the horrified audience. She, then, giggled and turned back to Imotou. "I guess they aren't ready to accept your cuteness," she said and gave Imotou a playful pat on her head.

"But what about me?" Irui pouted. "I'm cute, am I not?"

Cinque giggled as well. "And you, too, my cute little sister," she said and ruffled Irui's hair. "Come on. Let's begin our trip."

"_Haii!"_ the young girls replied.

Shamisen lazily meowed.

-x-x-

"_Why she decided to bring her little sisters along when she knew the path ahead of them would be treacherous? Why is everyone very afraid of Imotou when they know she will do them no harm? And why was the mysterious Gypsy fortune teller giving Cinque a kiss? This is not the end, everyone, because we have more tricks to show."_

Otto looked at Lutecia, who was jeering at her in return. "Tricks? What are those?" she asked.

Lutecia sighed. _"Don't ever ask. And do not ever leave this place, because all the questions will be answered when we return with:"_

**BEAUTY AND THE (RED-HAIRED) BEAST**

A special presentation by Ginga Nakajima and her little sisters, which are meant to be a parody of sort. Don't blame us; blame the scriptwriter, instead.

_// backstage //_

"One question," Cinque asked as she approached Gypsy Ginga who was undoing her dresses. "Why are you disguising as a fortune teller? You could've joined us, you know."

Ginga giggled. "I can't help it," she replied and donned her uniform back. "Besides, I like people who disguise. Like the Mysterious Gourmet."

Cinque blinked. "The Mysterious who?"

_(It was Rätsel's turn to sneeze. "Bless you," Sanger spoke._

"_Danke," Rätsel replied and rubbed his itchy nose. "Must be the pepper I accidentally inhaled at the kitchen.)_

Shamisen meowed and jumped off Cinque's shoulder to perch upon Ginga's chest. "Iyah! What are you doing?" she moaned and picked the cat up. "Bad kitty! You shall have no lunch after this!" she scolded the cat and slapped its head.

"Do you know Shamisen, Gin-_nee_?" Cinque asked.

"Too well," Ginga replied and gave Shamisen back to Cinque. "Why don't you ask Shamal for more?"

Shamisen inexplicably jumped off Cinque's arms and chased after Shamal, trying to catch her legs, making the medical officer wail in fear and distress. "I no longer have my tail! Stop chasing me, Shamisen!" Shamal moaned.

Cinque blinked. "I guess I have a lot to learn about you people…" she wondered.

Cue music of "Romantic Summer" took over.

-x-x-x-x-x-

_// outside the hall //_

"Van! What's with that attitude?"

"Huh? Not really." They continued walking, aimlessly following wherever their footsteps were headed to. They had been walking for days non-stop, and were wondering where they really were at the moment. The pony-tailed girl grew restless after she had continually pulled her baggage without a single break.

"Uhh… I thought we're supposed to be at the river by now," Van said and checked the map he was holding. "But why are we heading to that building?"

Wendy growled. "Don't tell me… you picked up the wrong map?"

Van stooped his head. "I'm sorry."

They continued their journey before they came to a stop. There was a commotion up ahead, and Wendy suggested them to check it. Van shrugged and approached the crowd, where he saw a girl being attended by medical officers. "Hmm… someone got hurt, I guess."

"What happened, Van?" Wendy asked as she caught up with him.

"I don't know," Van replied and pointed to the girl. "Why don't we ask her?"

The girl noticed the newcomers, and was fixated on the slender tuxedo man. "Who are you?"

Van looked down at the girl. "I… I'm Van."

The girl giggled and pointed to Van's face. "I like that name. And because of that boring-looking face, I shall call you Van the Slacker!" she said.

"Van… the Slacker?" Van murmured.

"Hey! Just who are you calling Van with that name?" Wendy demanded.

"I think I should introduce myself." The seemingly cheerful girl stood up, spun on her feet and threw a wink to Wendy. "I'm Ibis Douglas, but you can call me Ibis the Shooting Star."

"Ibis? IBIS???" the bystanders shouted. "As in… **IBIS IS LOVE?????**"

Ibis turned to the people (that included the real, if not surprised, Ibis and Viletta). "Yes, that would be me!" she answered and threw another wink at them.

"IBIS IS FINALLY HERE!!" fan boys shouted and tossed their fists into the air. "HURRAY FOR IBIS!!!"

"Thank you, everyone! Thank you!" Ibis the Shooting Star replied and waved to the people.

The real Ibis gaped. "I can't believe I'd actually meet the other me here…"

Wendy frowned. "And she forgot to ask my name…" she murmured.

"_Lady Ibis! You cannot run away from us!"_

The real Ibis and Viletta looked up at the sky and saw a horde of Gespenst Mark II-Ms flying towards the lake. "Flying Gespensts… only Shadow-Mirror people would use them," Viletta said. "So does this mean…"

"The Shooting Star Ibis is a Shadow-Mirror Ibis?" Ibis asked.

"Kyah! Van, protect me!" Ibis cried and jumped onto his body. (The real Ibis was aghast by the shameless act). "You must protect me from the grunts!"

Wendy shivered in jealousy at the deliberately intimate act (although she did not realize that Shadow-Mirror Ibis was easily frightened by strangers.)

"Wait a minute," Wendy retorted. "If she's afraid of strangers, then how come she doesn't treat Van like one?"

"Well, I don't know," the narrator replied.

"What… am I supposed to do?" Van asked and scratched the back of his head.

"What else? Kick and send the grunts to pieces!" Ibis replied and clenched her hands on Van's flamboyant coat. "Please! The grunts want to kidnap me for money! They know I'm a superstar!"

"Just… what does she think she's doing?" Wendy asked in anger.

"Uhh… I don't get you," Van murmured and looked up at the Gespensts. "Though… they're quite different from Armours I usually encounter."

"I've got an idea!" The Shadow-Mirror version of Ibis parted away from Van, coughed a couple of times and pointed to Van's slack face. "Until I can get my Astelion repaired and get home, I shall appoint you as my personal bodyguard, and I shall pay you as much as you ask! Do we have a deal, Van the Slacker?"

Everybody went "EH!!!!!!" at the request. Wendy snapped in both fury and jealousy at the blatant announcement. The real Ibis Douglas blinked. Viletta batted an eyebrow. Kyon palmed his face. Itsuki grinned. Haruhi applauded.

"Well?"

Van sighed. "Oh, well." He turned to the arriving Gespensts. "But you must buy me food after this. I haven't eaten since… two days."

"Okay!" Ibis replied with a thumb's up. "And that means I shall buy you lunch as well," she said and glanced to Wendy. "Is that alright, Miss…"

"Wendy," Wendy replied.

"Let's see…" Van turned his cowboy cap 180-degree and made a V sign before him with his liquid memory metal sword. A dramatic-sounding music suddenly took place, and everybody looked up to see a gigantic sword descending from the sky to transform into an extremely human-looking mecha. Van jumped into the mecha, entered the cockpit and plunged the sword into the floor.

"Go for it, Van the Slacker!" Shooting Star Ibis cheered.

Wendy sighed. "Here we go again…"

"What do you think?" Ibis asked.

"This piece of technology is unknown to me," Viletta answered. "If Gilliam is here, he'll be very interested in it."

The mecha turned around to face the oncoming Gespensts. Slowly it withdrew its double sword and opened a battle stance.

_Van grinned. "Wake up, Dann."_


	6. Chapter 5

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
CHAPTER 05**

"**In the previous episodes of 'Beauty and the Red-Haired Beast'…"**

Flashback of Erio donning the Vendetta Mask in dramatic way took place. He turned away from the camera and approached a rose kept inside a jar, suspended in midair by magic. Fan girls swooned at the mysterious aura of Master Mondial. "Erio-_kun_ is so cool…" they sighed.

"But he got **T3H MASK**!" fan boys protested. "He must be eliminated for mankind's survival!"

"Objection!" Phoenix Wright suddenly shouted. "It should be Admiral Chrono Haraoun who must be punished, instead! He's the one who gave Erio **T3H MASK!**"

_(Again, at the Admiralty Office, Chrono shivered. "Damn it. I should go out and have a walk," he thought.)_

Then there was another flashback of Cinque beginning her day by pulling the bedroom's curtains. Thanks to Mother of Pearl, the golden ray of the morning sun shone through the girl's night gown, revealing her gorgeous figure that was barely covered by the flimsy outfit. She did not know of it, but the very sight of her was a perfect 'morning service' to the males.

Fan boys drooled. "Cinque-_nee_ is hot…" one of them said.

"She can give me morning service anytime," another fan boy spoke.

"I'd hit it!" yet another fan boy roared.

Fan girls glared at Cinque. They grew jealous. "Cinque is more beautiful than us…" they murmured and glanced at the smitten fan boys. _"Baaka hentai."_

Backstage, Shamal was shooting Shari an unimpressed glare. "When we needed flashback, we didn't mean the kind of the flashbacks," she said. "Especially the last one."

Shari had to laugh. "What are you talking about, Shamal? Boys like to see special service," she answered.

"But the service in question isn't _what_ we're supposed to provide," Shamal sighed.

"Face it, Shamal," Shari insisted. "You do want to give your future husband your special morning service, don't you?"

Shamal blushed in a sudden. "How… how can I marry someone?!" she protested and squealed when a Hakuoro-lookalike suddenly came out of nowhere and stroked her "tail". "Iyah! Stop touching me!"

"Hmm… this tail is real…" the lookalike commented and continued stroking the "tail" that was not supposed to be there. Shamal became thrilled by the dangerously physical examination and helplessly begged the lookalike to stop.

Nove blushed in furious manner at the thought of seeing Cinque in nothing more than see-through nightdress. "So that's how Cinque-_nee's_ secret world would look?" she wondered.

Cinque stared at the video playback. She, then, looked at herself. She sighed. "I didn't look good enough in the scene…" she murmured and balanced her moderately sized loads in her hands. (Several male crews, as well as Nove, bled their nose at the uncanny self-service.)

"Too bad Cinque didn't wear black," one of the crews was heard as saying. "Because every gorgeous woman, young or old, should wear black."

"True, true," his friend agreed. "Black is the colour of a woman's deepest desire to love and be loved." This time, both Cinque and Nove blushed, the latter at the fantasy of Cinque sleeping in the night in nothing more than black lingerie, and the former at the thought of wearing black suit in daily life.

"Ever wonder why Fate-_sama_ is so deliciously hot and lovely?" the male crew continued. "It's because she wears black. And black is her official colour."

_(Fate sneezed while she was spoon-feeding Nanoha with porridge. "Bless you, Fate-chan," Nanoha said._

"_Thanks," Fate replied. "On the second thought, why don't we pay Erio and Caro a visit at the hall? I'm sure they'll be happy to see us. Now, Nanoha-chan. Open wide."_

_Nanoha sighed. "Haii. Aa-"_

_Fate seized her lips, pressing her mouth onto hers in a kiss that was hard as it was devouring. Nanoha gasped at the bold action, and moaned in both shock and pleasure as the kiss deepened and their tongues entwined. Slowly, they sank onto the bed, interlocked in each other's arms as they shared the sweet nectar of love that came with their kisses._

"_Fate-chan, I'm so cold…" Nanoha murmured. "Please… make me warm…"_

"_Don't worry, Nanoha-chan," Fate spoke and seized her lips again. "I'll make you warm and comfortable…"_

_Nanoha responded fully to her passion, her body moving provocatively against her…)_

"True again, true," his friend agreed. "Although why we're talking about women's personal fashions right now when we have works to do?"

"It's not the question of WHY but WHAT," the crew answered. "Whoever here doesn't want to see Ginga and Carim in black?"

"WE APPROVE OF GINGA AND CARIM IN BLACK!!!" fan boys roared. "AND PLEASE ADD IBIS IS LOVE, TOO!!!!"

_(Outside the hall, Shooting Star Ibis was enjoying the lunch with Van and Wendy, while photographers and fans cheered for the loveliness that is Ibis Douglas, when she suddenly sneezed._

"_Bless you, Ibis is Love!" the bystanders roared._

"_Thank you, everyone!" Shooting Star Ibis replied and shot a flying kiss that was frantically tried to be caught by the people._

"_Say, Van," Wendy asked and mixed the tea with sugar cubes. "Have you ever wondered why are we involved in this matter?"_

"_I don't know," Van replied and poured all the sauces and seasonings onto the chicken wings. "Besides, she agreed to pay me for being her bodyguard. We can use the money for our journey, right?"_

_Wendy sighed. "I guess you're right."_

_Van bit one of the chicken wings. He twitched. "DELICIOUS!!!!!!")_

The two Number sisters now turned from red rose to tomato head, unable to suppress their embarrassment anymore. Even Subaru and Wendi had to hide their flushed face from sight.

Lutecia glared at the infatuated audience. "This is why I cannot understand people…" she sighed. "Should we just continue with the stage play, or shall I summon Garyu?" Everybody backed away from the purple-haired girl in fear. "Thank you."

"Lutecia doesn't have to threaten us like that…" fan boys sobbed.

Lutecia snapped. "Then turn to stone."

**Lutecia killed fan boys with Eyes of Medusa.**

"All this off-topic stuffs made me itch in anger," Shari murmured. "Can we get the show started?" Sure enough, her assistant started the show with "Do the impossible! See the invisible! Raw! Raw! Fight the power!" and immediately all men and boys cried manly tears at the song. Shari blinked. "What's the title of the song?"

"It says here _'Rap is a Devil of a Man! Perk Up Your Ear-holes and Listen REAL Close to the Theme of Lord Kamina, the Man of Raging Billows Who Believes in Himself and Points to Heaven!!'_," the assistant answered. "Quite a name, I must say."

"Well, let's continue!" Shari exclaimed.

At the cue, Cinque, Imotou and Irui walked to the stage and navigated through the makeshift forest made of cardboards and Styrofoam. With the cheerful Imotou and Irui tiptoeing around, and with the epic song with the superiorly LONG title continued playing, one could only imagine how it would like to have two lovely little sisters in their family.

"Correction," one audience suddenly spoke. "It should be read**'one could only imagine how it would like to have a HAXX little sister and a Psychodriver little sister in their family'**. That would be more appropriate."

"Honey, you aren't doing the narration," his wife reminded

"I can't help it, dear," the audience replied. "Having a HAXX sister and a Psychodriver sister in our family is not a good idea. I don't want our house to be trashed every time they use their power."

"Oh, honey, don't say that," his wife reminded. "I'm sure they'll bring us happiness."

As Imotou and Irui continued dancing around, all the males were smitten by the 'moe' sight of the young girls, and their hearts skipped many times when both of them started singing the tunes of "Yusshao Tanjo GaoGaiGar" in their own cuteness fluff. Not only that, they started recording the little angels' voice for personal collection, not taking notice of the rest of the audience who were looking at them weirdly. Then Imotou and Irui shouted _"Goldion! HAMMAAAAA!!"_ and threw their fists into the air. All the male audience screamed in approval and cried touched tears.

Cinque shook her head in amusement. "Imotou and Irui are surely cheerful, aren't they?" she pondered and threw her sight to the end of the route. There was a castle made of cardboards standing in its pride, shrouded by the mysterious feeling of loneliness that inexplicably took over after the two 'sisters' stopped singing to the audience.

And Cinque looked confused.

"Cinque-_oneechan_?" Imotou asked.

"If I can remember correctly," Cinque said and scratched her head. "We're supposed to be going to the Beast's castle, right? Then…" She paused when she found herself surrounded by grunts that looked awfully alike in the Vendetta masks. "I didn't remember having a V for Vendetta scene in this stage play. What happened?"

"State your name, strangers," the grunts' leader spoke and pointed his rapier at Cinque. "For we don't welcome uninvited guests on this no-man's land."

"I'm Cinque," Cinque said, trying to be polite. "This is Imotou and Irui." The two girls sweetly waved to the grunts, causing all but the grunt leader to swoon and faint.

"I am immune to their cuteness!" the grunt leader denied.

"Denial grunt is DENIAL," the fan boys jeered.

"But I am supposed to be Master Mondial's trustworthy right-hand!" the grunt leader cried out. Yet the longer he resisted, the cuter the little girls became. Eventually the grunt leader succumbed and dropped to his knees defeated. "I'm sorry, Master Mondial! I have failed my duty!" he shouted and took out a katana. "Now! Allow me to take my own life in honour!"

Cinque slapped the grunt's hand. "Don't," she scolded. "Just because you're defeated doesn't mean you don't have the opportunity to continue your life."

"But…"

Cinque knelt in front of the grunt leader. "You must live. It's what every living being is created for." The grunt was touched by the sincerity of the spoken words and cried.

"**Then Cinque explained to the grunt leader what happened to them: everything that had happened to her, up till her encounter with the mysterious gypsy woman at the wet market."**

"You're not kidding me!" The grunt leader made a bow and banged his head repeatedly on the floor. "We've very sorry for our rude behaviour! Please! Follow me!" So saying he stood up and commanded his henchmen to escort 'the visitors' to the said palace. Cinque, Irui and Imotou looked at one another, nodded and followed the lead.

"There's something wrong about this premise," one audience commented.

"What will it be?" his friend asked.

"That is…" The audience suddenly stood up and pointed directly at Yuuno. "THIS PLAY LACKS THE HOT-BLOODED GARNESS THAT IS YUUNODAS!!!!"

"That's true!!!" his friends agreed and cried hot-blooded manliness. "If we can't have the Aces involved, at least please have Yuunodas!"

"All hail King Yuunodas! Leader of the Mid-Childans!!!!"

Yuunodas stood up. Turning back to the audience who suddenly hushed, he lifted his right hand and clenched it into a fist. Everybody held their breath when Yuunodas was staring at each and every one of the people.

Then he bellowed.

"FOR MID-CHILDA!!!!!"

People roared in approval. "YUUNODAS!!!!!!"

Lutecia sighed. "People…"

The trio's journey ended after they arrived at their destination. The grunts left into the darkness, and they were looking everywhere when the floodlight flashed on the replica of a giant door. "This is one huge door," Cinque spoke as the girls examined the door. "Now where's the door bell?"

"Oh, here it is." Irui pushed the button, and in an instant the door opened with a very slow and loud creaking sound. At the same time the music switched to the more-appealing "Phantom of the Opera", and for a while all visions were obscured when smokes appeared from everywhere to add in the thrill.

The door finally opened. Cautiously, Cinque, Irui and Imotou walked towards the door and entered the 'unknown'. Moments later (after the crews reset the stage to look like the castle's interior) they came out of the 'unknown' and looked around.

"I thought we're missing something," Cinque commented.

"We didn't," Irui said. "You still have us."

"No, I really thought we missed something," Cinque said.

"**They didn't miss something, which is good because we didn't hire stunt doubles for them. However, they did not know they were in a big surprise."**

Footsteps were heard. Cinque turned to the source of the sound and saw Wendi and Otto approaching them in… "Maid uniform?"

Wendi had to laugh as they approached the 'visitors'. "We thought we could cosplay as Mrs. Teapot and Teacup Junior," she said, "until Missus Yagami asked us to wear this."

Otto looked all over her. She looked confused at the new attire. "I thought I would wear the teacup dress for the rest of the play," she murmured.

Fan boys could not believe their eyes. As if Cinque in maid uniform was not enough, now they were treated with the service of the Maid Numbers. "So who's next?" one of them asked and plugged his nostrils.

"I want Uno to be my maid…" his friend said and bled his nose. "Goddamn. Uno in maid uniform… she's too hot to handle…"

Wendi coughed as to get everyone's attention. "Anyway, welcome to T3H Mondial Castle. Here is the place where T3H Masked Man is rumoured to live," she spoke. "By the way, welcome. T3H Master Mondial is awaiting you at the dining room."

"Does this mean we get to have free meal?" Imotou asked and cheered before Wendi could even answer. "I want roosted turkey for dinner!"

"And I want pasta for dinner, too!" Irui added.

-x-x-

"_And so our story ends here for now. Cinque and her little sisters are invited by the dreaded Masked Man for dinner, without knowing what lies ahead in their path. While it's confirmed that it's just a dinner, one can only wonder on what is inside Master Mondial's mind."_

"If that red-haired brat dares putting a finger onto Cinque-nee, we will put him on fire and kick him to curbs!" fan boys.

"Wrong! That job of kicking people is supposed to be done by the Mid-Childans!" one audience protested. Sure enough, Yuunodas screamed "this! IS! MID-CHILDA!!!!" and kicked the angry fan boys to curbs.

"_I can never understand people…"_

"Boo-hoo. Lulu-_chan_ tries to be an emo girl," fan boys jeered. This was answered by another Medusa's Eyes, and the pissed Lutecia ordered Garyu to finish them off.

**BEAUTY AND THE (RED-HAIRED) BEAST**

A special presentation by Ginga Nakajima and her little sisters, which are meant to be a parody of sort. Don't blame us; blame the scriptwriter, instead.

-x-x-x-x-x-

_// TSAB cafe //_

"Do we have anything to complain about this stage play?" Ginga asked.

"If I have to complain," Carim spoke and finished her tea, "it's the Author's inconsistency of keeping the comedy intact. But if he has reasons behind it, I can't do anything about it."

Ginga laughed. "Nah, I'm sure he doesn't mind taking criticism from us," she said and sipped the orange juice. "Besides, he's just providing the scripts. It's up to us to recreate the scene he's envisioned."

"You sound like you're very tolerant to his madness world," Carim spoke. "As far as I'm concerned, only his fiancée can tolerate his crazy randomness."

_(Somewhere, the Author and his self-proclaimed fiancée Takane Hibiki were having lunch under the cherry blossom tree when the former suddenly sneezed. "Bless you, Lone Wolf-san," Hibiki said and fed him with onigiri.) _

"Oh, that sweet girl," Ginga said and giggled. "They look so cute with each other when I first paid them visit. Too bad they couldn't come here, or I'd introduce them to you."

_(This time, the swordswoman sneezed. "I bet it's the spring," the Author spoke._

"_Mou, stop teasing me," Hibiki mumbled.)_

Meanwhile, whilst Ibis the Shooting Star was entertaining people with her singing, and whilst Van was enjoying his fifth plate, Wendy looked around in anxiety. She had been told that _he_ was among the guests, and yet she saw none of his presence. She knew _he_ had to be here, and yet with lots of people to be had in the area, she was unsure whether the information she gathered was correct.

The cafe trembled. Outside the small building, people were seen running for life. Wendy and Van immediately rushed outside to see a giant mecha standing strong at the opposite end of the road. Van stared at the brightly-coloured mecha that looked awfully like Dancougar before he sighed. "Oh, it's them," he said and went back into the cafe. "Don't bother with them."

"_Did we miss the party?" loudly El-Dora V asked._


	7. Chapter 6

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
CHAPTER 06**

"To all fellow readers, we on behalf of the Author would like to remind you that this story has nothing to do with any and all real-life events, whether it be coincidental or not. He would like also to point out that everything that takes place in this story is totally non-canonical and should not be taken as a part of the franchise. Thank you for paying attention."

With that said, Nanoha Takamachi took a bow in front of the camera in very Japanese manner. Standing beside her, Vivio did the same and bowed to the camera although she fell onto her face after that.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Lutecia: **"in the last episode of Beauty and the Red-Haired Beast…"**

There was a flashback of Imotou asking "Does this mean we get to have free meal?" and cheering before Wendi even could answer. Irui cheered as well, and the two youngsters began dancing on the stage. Soon those who were smitten by their cuteness joined suit and danced with the little girls before the women bashed them with pillows.

"Paedophiles…" Vita commented.

Then there was another flashback of Erio in his Guy Fawkes mask beginning his monologue with "remember, remember…" while he stood next to a makeshift window and stared into the makeshift full moon. Fan girls started swooning over the manly image of Erio before fan boys protested the sight. "We shall kick him to curbs!!!" they roared.

"Wrong!" one of the audience objected. "The kick of kicking people and reasons to curb are best left to the Mid-Childans!" Sure enough, King Yuunodas of Mid-Childa shouted a manly battle cry, screamed "this! IS! **STAGE PLAY!!!!"** and joined force with his Mid-Childan troopers as he kicked fan boys into a well.

Lutecia:**"today, as the mysterious gou- pardon, gypsy had told, Cinque and her little sisters visited the Mondial Castle to confirm the rumours."**

"The Mysterious Who?" another audience asked, and his question was promptly answered with a flying frying pan. "I pull back my words. Ouch," he said as he lay on the ground beaten.

At the cue music, Cinque, Imotou and Irui came out of the backstage and approached the awaiting Wendi. "Well, to make things short," Cinque said. "What are we supposed to do here in the first place?"

"It is very simple," Wendi said before her attention was disturbed by the newly-arrived Subaru and Nove. "Just what do you think both of you're doing?"

"But she started it!" Nove wailed. "Subaru said I could have the cake first, but she forgot to bake it!"

"I did not!" Subaru replied. "Nove said she didn't want me to eat the cake with her, so I had to make one for myself!"

Then a man came out of nowhere and shouted "this is delicious cake! YOU MUST EAT IT!" as he showed the audience a piece of cheesecake on his palm. He was instantly booed by the people and kicked out of the stage by both Nove and Subaru who shouted "DO NOT WANT!!!" in response.

"This is so random…" Cinque sighed.

"Can we have that cake, Oneechan?" Imotou asked. "It looks delicious."

"Anyway, I don't believe we can waste anymore time, because Master Mondial is already at the dining room as we speak," Wendi said. "So first, you have to dress up."

"Dress up? I thought we're going to wear this maid uniform," Cinque said.

"Trust me, it's going to be a lot better," Wendi answered with a wink.

Lutecia: **"And so the servant of the Mondial Castle brought the ever-wondering, if not confused, Cinque and her sisters to the dressing room."**

A few minutes later, they returned to the stage. Instantly audience dropped their lower jaw, as it turned out that Cinque had been redressed as an Undine, complete with its trademark high-cut design and the Pair-ranked gondolier's gloves. Not only her, even Wendi and Otto were dressed up as Undines as well.

On top of that, Imotou and Irui were dressed in the clothes of Reimu Hakurei and Marisa Kirisame. "Crap! It's Touhou!" one of the audiences exclaimed. "I'd dig in Touhou because youkai magicians are hot!"

"Well, I'd hit Sakuya because time-manipulating combat maid who throws knife is hot," his friend said.

"But Patchouli is hot, too," the audience added. "Oh, Patchouli in glasses? ABSOLUTE WIN!"

"Forget about Touhou!" an overly enthusiastic fan exclaimed. "I'd ride Cinque's gondola if you know what I mean!"

"_Hazukash__ii serifu KINSHI!!" _

The audience went "EH???" at the remarks, as Wendi was pointing at them with a snicker. "Fear the one-liner," she spoke.

"Why would we dress up in these redundant clothes?" Nove moaned.

"Shut up, Nove," Subaru hissed. "It was your fault in the first place!"

"My fault? More like YOUR fault!" Nove replied.

"Excuse me? You were responsible for coming up with this idea!" Subaru grumbled.

"Why you…"

As Nove and Subaru started arguing, Cinque was looking confused with the new attires. "Wendi, where did you get this idea?" she asked (standing beside her, Irui and Imotou were giggling in delight at their new costumes).

"You won't believe who called me yesterday," Wendi replied.

Cinque batted an eyebrow. "You mean… the _Author_?"

-x-x-

Back at somewhere, the Author was resting his head on Hibiki's lap when he sneezed. "Damn, it must be the spring's cold wind," he mumbled.

"Lone Wolf-san, you've been daydreaming again," the swordswoman said with a smile.

"Well, to tell you one thing," he spoke, "you'll look cuter if you wear that Undine uniform." He immediately ran for cover when his possessive fiancée snapped in embarrassment. "Hey! It can't be helped! Everyone will look damn cute in that uniform! Ask Akari!"

"Lone Wolf-san! Who is this Akari?!" Hibiki demanded and started chasing the Author across the field.

-x-x-

At Neo-Venezia, Mizunashi Akari was helping Alicia Florence with breads they had bought when she suddenly sneezed. "_Ara, ara_, today's weather is surely cold, _ne_?" Alicia said.

"_Ha… hahi…"_ shyly Akari replied. "Though I don't think it's the weather, Alicia-san."

"_Hazukashi serifu kinshi!"_ Aika S. Granzchesta commented as she and Alice Carroll crossed their path with the Aria Company's gondoliers.

"Eh???" the pig-tailed girl moaned.

-x-x-

"Come. Master Mondial does not like his guests to be late," Wendi said and led the guests to the said destination.

Lutecia:**"after a lengthy trip that took them around the castle, the visitors reached the end of their road and entered the dining room."**

Led by Wendi (and the still-arguing Nove and Subaru), Cinque entered the so-called "dining room" and was looking at Erio at the end of the room, sitting next to the window, looking blankly into the ceiling. "So… this is the feared Kamen no Otoko…" Cinque pondered. "He looks quite young to me."

"**RAH!!!!"** Inexplicably Erio jumped off the window and tossed the dining table into the air, so high it actually went out of the hall. He immediately donned his Guy Fawkes mask and pointed to his chest, frightening Imotou and Irui with his wrath. "I am Master Mondial! Fighter of freedom! Terrorist of injustice! Fear my rage!!!"

Lutecia tossed a Piko-Piko Hammer onto Erio's head. "Emo Erio is EMO. Go back and cry under your mama's arms," she commented. "This is not the place to show off your domestic violence tendency."

At the audience's seat, Fate was heard cheering for Erio. "You can do it, Erio!" she shouted. "I believe in you!" Everybody turned to Fate. Realizing she had somewhat 'ruined' the mood of the play, she hid her face behind her bag in embarrassment. "I thought I could give Erio some encouraging words…" she mumbled.

"Fate! It's not the case when the boy in question is the most dangerous enemy of mankind!" one audience objected.

"But… but…" Fate started crying and buried her face beneath the bag. "I only want to show how deeply I care for him…"

Erio cried touched tears. "Fate-san has faith in me…" He immediately stood up and made a proud pose as he cried manly tears. "Don't worry, Fate-san! I will do it for you!!!"

Lutecia: **"and so our Master Mondial has revealed his true stripes."**

Erio snapped. "I didn't ask for you opinion!"

Lutecia turned away, as if she was embarrassed by the yell. "You shouldn't yell at your future mistress like that…" she murmured and cupped her flushed cheeks.

Silence. All of the people stared at Erio, who were horrified by the revelation Lutecia had exposed. Then slowly one of the said "you're so screwed if you piss Rori Raida, Red-Head," and backed away.

Lutecia glared at the audience. "Then turn to stone."

**Lutecia killed audience with Eye of Medusa… again.**

Lutecia:**"after clearing the misunderstanding, Master Mondial welcomed his visitors and expressed his gratitude to have their company."**

Erio approached Cinque and took a bow. "I am Erio Mondial, master of this castle. On behalf of the Mondial family, I welcome you," he said and took Cinque's hand (instantly everybody gasped at the gesture). "Your hand is very soft. I admire its natural beauty."

The eye-patched girl blinked. "What are you doing?"

"There is no need of asking, my splendid and gorgeous gondolier lady," Erio reminded and placed soft kisses upon Cinque's hand (this gesture caused fan boys and fan girls to explode in jealousy and screamed foul). "If anything, I would like to have a dinner with you. Just between the two of us."

"I… I really appreciate the offer, Master Mondial, thank you," Cinque said. "But first… I didn't know you can bring out this play quite well."

Erio grinned. "It is all because of the teachings of my mentor that I am-" Audience booed at him before he could finish his speech, and this pissed him. "I haven't even finished my speech!"

"The Nile is a river in Egypt," Wendi mocked. "Erio just wants to show off his talents to Cinque. Right, everyone?"

"True, true," audience replied. "Erio is always the Nile."

_(Backstage, Carim was __seen talking to Hayate on how Erio was hated by the audience for being… "the prime suspect". "I wonder if Fate has taught him enough," she said._

"_I'm sure she's __done her duty as a surrogate mother with great responsibility," Hayate replied with a giggle. "You know how she's been taking care of her children lately."_

_Carim giggled as well. "I can see that. So how about wearing the Undine uniform after this?" she said and took out one of the Undine uniforms._

_Hayate smiled. "Undine clothes are always cute, right?__")_

Cinque pulled her hand away from Erio. "I can see that, Master Mondial, so thank you again for the offer. Now would you like to tell me…" She paused and turned to Imotou, Irui and Wendi who nodded as to tell her to proceed. "…anything about the mask?"

"To tell you the truth, my dear gondolier lady," Erio spoke in dramatic fashion as he approached the window again. "This mask is to hide my actual face, which I have specifically prepared for the upcoming Man's-" and the word was censored by the Red Alert 2's nuclear warning sound that lasted for a second. "-Festival."

Cinque blinked. "A (CENSORED) what??"

"Because of that…" he added and suddenly cried manly tears. "I shall fight and strive to become the _(Kabuki actor's "HIYOOO!!!" cries)_ man the world has ever seen!!"

Cinque, instead, was not amused. "What's with the (CENSORED)'s Festival?" she demanded.

Lutecia:**"because it's not something we girls want to know, Cinque. Let real men take care of it."**

Cinque turned to the narrator. "Real men?"

Lutecia: **"real men, as in-"**

Suddenly "Trombe!" overrode everything. Then, came out of nowhere, the caped super robot Aussenseiter whizzing around, its pilot The Mysterious Gourmet shouting "HASHIRE, TROMBE!" while firing the dual Lancer Cannons. Then, as fast as it was, the Aussenseiter disappeared with the wind and left everyone dumbfounded.

"That was random," Wendi commented.

"Ratsel is here? Does this mean Sanger is coming?" Irui asked.

_(Outside the hall, Sanger jeered at Ratsel who was taking off his __Aussenseiter costume. "You really had to do that, don't you my friend?" the Sword that Cleaves Evil wryly asked._

_Ratsel grinned and corrected his goggles. "Do not worry, my friend.")_

"Well…" Cinque said, ignoring the ever-hindering fuss, and scratched her head many times. "I see if I can think about the offer, but… it's getting dark at the outside. So will you be generous and let us go home?"

"Who said anything about going home?" So saying Erio was surrounded by his henchmen and cackled as he ordered all doors and escape routes to be sealed. "I guess you did not realize the destiny that has bound our paths and welded them together. You shall stay here, and you will forever be," and here he emitted a very dramatic, if not hot-blooded, laughter as he said**"UNTIL THE EAST BURNS RED AND REAL MEN STORM THE STORMY BATTLEFIELD!!"**

"The Erio has spoken!" his henchmen roared and started worshipping him.

Wendi palmed her face. "Didn't he mean _"until the curse is broken"_?" she grumbled.

Cinque sighed. "I don't think I'll survive this stage play…"

-x-x-

"_And so, as usual, the Masked Man continued his never-ending quest to take on the path of real me. And with Cinque… deliberately taken hostage__ and held captive at the castle, how will he use the opportunity to win her heart and champion the intriguing festival of-"_

Lutecia's closing narration was cut off when Leonidas' trademark **"THIS! IS! SPARTA!!!"** battle cry censored the last part. This time, she kept herself silent without saying any comment.

"Well, at least it's Leonidas who did the censorship," the production crew said.

"_Hazukashi serifu kinshi!"_ Wendi scolded.

"EH???" they moaned in protest.

Lutecia coughed. "This stage play is surely the weirdest event in the whole dimensions," she spoke. "This has been today's special, if not mentally twisted, episode. So everyone, please ease you and enjoy whatever we have."

"**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST."**

This special presentation is supposed to be a parody of sorts. Please don't put your blames on the production team; consult the Author instead.

-x-x-

_// OMAKE__, GENSOKYO //_

"…" Reimu was not saying anything.

"…" as so did Marisa.

"…okay, I know this is a very stupid question," Reimu said. "But why are we here, Kaguya?"

Kaguya giggled as she prepared the high-definition widescreen home theatre set. "I just got this special DVD from eBay last night. I thought I could enjoy it with you people."

"But why us only?" Marisa asked.

"Because you and Reimu-san were the first names to pop in my mind," Kaguya answered and put the disc into the player. "Besides, I don't mind watching DVDs with you guys, so let's seat and enjoy this show. I think it was the greatest show on Earth."

"Whatever," Reimu shrugged.

The magicians waited for the screen to show up its content. At first, there was nothing, but after a few seconds of silence, there was a preview of the said show. Reimu and Marisa gaped, and had their jaws hanging wide as the infamous music of the _heaven-piercing drill_ began playing.

"_**Row! Row! Fight the power!!"**_

_// to be continued //_


	8. Chapter 7

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST  
****CHAPTER 07**

Lutecia: **"previously in Beauty and the Red-Haired Beast…"**

The video screen showed the footage of the actors and actresses costume-playing as various characters, with the most outstanding being the Undine and Touhou cosplayers. As expected, most of the people started drooling at the beautiful sight of Cinque in Undine uniform, while others backed away from Imotou Hakurei and Irui Kirisame in fear.

"So which one will score more? Cinque as an Undine or Imotou and Irui as Touhou Project's heroines?" one audience asked.

"Of course it's Undine Cinque!" his friend answered. "You have no idea how hot a gondolier can be! And- Oh! High-cut dress always wins!"

"But I thought armpit is everyone's fetish!" his other friend objected. His statement was answered by a direct hit on his face as Imotou Kirisame came out of nowhere and fired a Master Spark at him. "I thought Imotou's supposed to cosplay as Reimu!" the smoking heap protested.

"Apparently Marisa suits Imotou's HAXX ability more than the Hakurei Shrine maiden," someone explained. "Besides, Irui is a priestess, and Reimu's profile fits her better."

"True, true," everybody else said to agree and started drooling at the prospect of Irui and her armpit service.

"Look, guys," Wendi said and folded her arms. "Are you coming here to see our stage performance or commenting on other series?"

The audience looked at the Head Servant. "Umm… how about neither?" they replied.

"Surely you don't mean _"let's have Ibis, Shadow-Mirror Ibis, Imotou Hakurei and Irui Kirisame onstage and forget everybody else,"_ do you?" Wendi stated.

Everybody muted. They looked at each other, then at Wendi before they turned to the production crew. "The hell? How did you know?" Before Wendi could answer, they heard a faint meow coming from the above. At the moment they looked upward, they saw a kitten sticking its head out of a mysteriously appearing hole, looking down at the people as if it was a deity sent to observe the world.

"It's Ceiling Cat!" Irui and Imotou exclaimed.

"OHNOES! Ceiling Cat is watching me!" the audience moaned.

-

-

At the end of the confusion that was created when Ceiling Cat appeared, Lutecia took over the microphone and resumed her narration. She noticed how most of the audience could not keep their focus on the stage play due to the "distraction" provided by Imotou Kirisame and Irui Hakurei. She glanced at the newcomers, and suddenly a slight tint of jealousy sparked inside of her.

"Oh, come on, Lulu-chan. You know your cuteness cannot be compared, with anyone," Wendi said. "Well, Caro-chan is an exception."

Lutecia shrugged. "I must focus on the stage play and not getting distracted by some moron people who can think of nothing but delicious-" She stopped, looked all over herself, and blushed in a sudden. "I pulled back my words."

"Eh? What were you trying to say?" Wendi asked with a mischievous smile. Lutecia turned away, trying to avoid eye contact with the Number but she was persistent to get the answer. "Aw, come on. Just let me know. There's nothing secret between us, remember?"

"…but, I…"

"LOL! Can this be Wendi/Lutecia hot lesbian time?" a fan boy suddenly hollered and was mobbed by the Mid-Childans before he could escape.

"Your joke has invoked the wrath of the Mid-Childans!" one of crimson-caped the Mid-Childans howled and kicked the fan boy to curb.

"What did I do wrong??" the fan boy cried as he was cornered by the Mid-Childans. "This is madness! MADNESS!"

"Madness? This! IS! **STAGE PLAY!!"** Yuunodas answered and kicked the fan boy into a well.

Both Wendi and Lutecia watched at the randomness that was taking place before them, as Yuunodas and the Mid-Childans continually kicked the people out of the hall. "Well, at least we have free-service bodyguards," Wendi commented.

"Umm." Lutecia took her seat and continued what she had left**. "To continue where our story had ended in the last episode, our heroine was… forced to accept the Masked Man's offer to stay in his castle. For how long she would have to reside in the mysterious building is an answer nobody could offer, and Cinque did not want to think of it because she was more interested in…"**

At the cue music "Beauty and the Beast" Cinque came out of the podium's left wing and headed towards the table in the middle of the platform. Still donning her Undine uniform, she was fully aware of the full attention she received from the audience and nervously she looked back at Imotou and Irui.

"Ganbatte, oneechan!" they cheered.

Cinque shrugged. "I hope I'm doing this right…" She took a seat on a chair and pondered on what she was supposed to do next. "I know I've been a ditz, but I can't help thinking of Erio and his… obsession to mask." As she began thinking of all the possible answers to her question, she crossed her legs in strategic position and unknowingly caused many of the fan boys to drool at her exposed thighs. She did not notice it until Imotou and Irui signalled at her to look at the audience. "Hey! Watch where you're looking at, pervert!" the mortified Cinque barked.

"Cinque has smooth thighs…" the audience commented with approval nods.

"If only she raised her legs a bit higher…" a fan boy sighed and was sent to the smithereens by another Master Spark fired by Irui. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Aw, I missed!" Imotou moaned.

Cinque ignored the smitten audience and rose from the chair. "Come to think about, I noticed Erio wearing duplicates of the mask and he never shows us the authentic copy. Can there be the original one?" She walked towards the end of the stage, where a mask was mysteriously hung over the floor. "It's the same mask, but it looks lots cleaner. Can this be the original?" Slowly she reached out for the mask, which was dramatically highlighted from the above by spotlight, and she almost got the item when-

"Do not touch!"

Erio rushed forward and pulled Cinque away from the mask. Where he came from was the question nobody had the time to answer, but his speed was impressive enough to marvel the audience. Unfortunately he did the allegedly 'dramatic' entrance the wrong way and took her to the floor as he tripped over.

"Ouch! That's got to be hurt," Wendi commented as Erio and Cinque crashed.

Now Erio was on top of Cinque, who was lying underneath him in a _suggestively _submissive position. Neither of them had anything to speak, and both were blushing in very furious manners. The audience gasped, as so did the cameramen who later aired the "unfortunate" scene live.

And worse of all, Erio's hands were clenching Cinque's warm palms _in the most questionable gesture anyone can think of._

Fate's jaws opened wide. "Erio!"

"Erio has hit the jackpot!" the audience gasped.

"And so the red-haired boy's path of becoming T3H HAREM MASTER has just started," a gentleman spoke.

"Erio-kun?" Cinque gasped.

"Cinque…" Erio murmured her name.

Everybody waited. And they kept their eyes on the two young so-called lovers on the floor, as they exchanged deep gazes and breathed in slow unison. They waited for Erio to lean down and claim Cinque's vibrant, moist lips in a kiss that left her-

"Blasphemy!!" Nove jumped out of the backstage and gave Erio a flying kick that sent him flying across the hall. "You dare molesting Cinque-nee in front of the people! You are a disgrace to all the women in the universe!!"

Erio rubbed his head. "And what was that accusation supposed to be, Servant Nove?" he questioned. "I have no intention of harassing my respected guest. I was only preventing her from approaching the cursed treasure of the Mondial Mansion."

"I don't care of your affair with Cinque-nee or your relationship with all the girls you know, but you red-haired pervert stay away from her!" Nove stepped forward and pointed towards Erio. "I'll kill you if you ever lay a finger upon Cinque-nee again!"

"And what is your claim to support your statement, Servant Nove?" Erio questioned.

Without even thinking twice, Nove blurted out in the loudest yell she ever had: "CINQUE-NEE IS MINE!!"

Suddenly, DRAMATIC MUSIC! Everybody gasped at the unexpected revelation that was unfolding itself before them. "So I take it that Nove is gay for Cinque?" an audience asked.

"But I thought Nove has submitted to the will of T3H HAREM MASTER!" another audience questioned.

"Well, screw that!" his friend added. "We still want to see some hot Numbers action!"

"_**Hazuhashi Serifu KINSHI!"**_

"EH??"

_(__Behind the curtain, Hayate grinned as she gave Subaru an approval pat on the shoulder. "Good job there," she complimented with a chuckle._

"_Somehow, I felt I've been doing this before," Subaru sighed and dropped the microphone she was holding.)_

Nove snapped. "But! But! Everything you've heard just now is a lie!" she spoke and pointed to Erio. "He started it! He forced me to say it! He did it!"

"And so the lie is a cake within," SM Ibis commented as she inexplicably entered the hall, much to the delight of the audience who never anticipated her entrance. "Well, I guess my presence is very much welcomed here, eh?"

"All hail Ibis Douglas!!" they shouted. "All hail Ibis is Love!"

"Thank you, everyone!" SM Ibis replied and waved to the people.

Standing beside the Shadow Mirror Idol, the real Ibis and Wendy could only shake their head. "Why must we follow her around?" Wendy mumbled.

"It was her idea in the first place," Ibis grumbled. "She said she wanted to show us her apology by taking us here." She looked back at her Shadow-Mirror counterpart and was irked by her nonchalant, carefree attitude. "I can't believe my other self would be this _cheerful_."

"I heard you!" Out of the blue SM Ibis seized Ibis' body and gave her a very tight embrace. "You've been a bad girl since I arrived. Let me teach you a lesson or two," she purred and blew into Ibis' left ear, which thrilled as well as disturbed her.

"S-stop it! The people are watching!" Ibis moaned in distress.

SM Ibis, instead, giggled at the shyness and proceeded to _suggestively_ trace her finger down her chest. "Oh? I take it you prefer doing it in _private_?" she asked.

"But! But!"

SM Ibis put a finger upon Ibis' lips, silencing her protesting heart. "You know both of us have many things in common, right? I've been wondering if I could know more about you _up close and personal._" So saying, SM Ibis bent her head slightly forward, eyes closed and lips parted. Ibis blushed in a sudden at the gesture, and yet she was frozen solid in SM Ibis' embrace as she was going to give her a kiss _on the lips._ To make things worse, the audience were distracted from the stage play and focused their attention on the 'deliciously scandalous' scene, eyes open wide and popping out of socket. Wendy's eyes widened in shock but she was not in the position to prevent it from happening.

"He-he."

SM Ibis poked Ibis on the nose. The Shooting Star was startled and could only stare at the Shadow Mirror Idol who simply giggled and released her from her tight embrace. "You look quite cute when you blush," SM Ibis said with a wink.

Everybody dropped onto the floor. "When we thought we could see hot Ibis-Ibis action…" one audience grumbled.

Cinque sighed. "Why there must be constant distractions from outside source?" she asked as Irui and Imotou helped her getting up.

"**Because we do not have the right to undo destiny,"** Lutecia answered.

"Like… how I have to dance with Erio later?" nervously Cinque replied.

Lutecia glowered at Erio who had returned to the stage. She grew more envious than ever, although her commitment to the stage performance forced her to keep it hidden. "Yes. Like that," she answered in pseudo-professional manners before she muttered _"I want to dance with him, too…"_ in low voice.

"Dance? Hurray! We get to dance with Cinque-oneechan!" Imotou and Irui cheered. "What kind of dance shall we do? Waltz? Tango? Irish? Caramel? Bhangra?"

"At least, you have someone to knock Erio's manners," Lutecia added and pointed to Cinque's "little sisters".

"_Sou! Sou!"_ Imotou replied. "I shall use my spell on Uncle Red-Haired if he ever does THIS and **THAT** to oneechan!"

Erio snapped. "I'm too old to be called Ojiichan!" Everybody laughed at the reaction; even Yuunodas and the Mid-Childans shared their time laughing with the audience, albeit in their own _manly_ way, that is.

Irui nodded and took out a makeshift spell card. "With the power of the Gan Eden Shrine, I shall exterminate those who dare laying their sinned hands upon Sister Cinque," she murmured.

Erio palmed his face. "Do I look like a sinner to her?" he questioned.

"Yes you are!" the audience replied.

-

-

Lutecia: **"Later that night, as Cinque and her sisters were preparing to sleep…"**

At the cue sign of Perfect Cherry Blossom's opening theme, the "sisters", now dressed in night gowns, came out of the backstage and sat on the king-sized bed, giggling as they discussed on their days as Master Mondial's honorary guests. As expected, the audience could not keep their attention on the dialogues as their eyes were feasting upon the beautiful sight of the three angels, smitten by the natural complexity of their beauty, wishing they were the bed and the mattress-

Until someone had to burst the bubble. "Erio's a lucky bastard for having a three-in-one combo…" he murmured.

"He is indeed a happy bastard…" his friends added and produced weapons out of anything their hand could obtain. "We shall destroy him."

**Imotou Kirisame ****(unconsciously) killed envious people with Master Spark.**

The audience looked at the smoked pile of human. "Owned."

"So what's our plan tomorrow?" Irui asked while holding a Dygenguard plush doll that was slightly bigger than her body.

"I don't know," Cinque said and threw her sight to the ceiling. "I just hope he'll let us. I missed our village."

"But I want to stay here a bit longer," Imotou said. "It's so fun shooting Master Sparks at the guards." At the same time, the technicians displayed a video footage of Imotou "having fun" with the castle's guards, shooting both Starlight Breaker and Master Spark at them as if they were target dummies.

_(__Where she learned the attacks is the kind of question that is best left for the Author to answer.)_

Cinque batted an eyebrow. "You shouldn't do that. Indiscriminately shooting magic spells at people is not fun; it's dangerous," she reminded. The rest of the audience nodded as to agree. "Besides, why didn't you play with Irui instead?"

Imotou sulked. "But they said they wanted to play with me," she mumbled. "They told me if I could land a shot on them, they'd buy me ice-cream."

_(Outside the hall, bystanders were looking at the smoking heap of extras as they were stacked upon one another. "I've told you not to ask that girl to do that!" one of the extras shouted._

"_But she said she was bored," his friend replied and coughed smoke. "And whose idea of buying her ice-cream if she lands a shot at us was it?"_

"_All men are stupid…" Viletta sighed.)_

Cinque had to laugh at the explanation. "Ah…"

"Ne, ne, Oneechan," Imotou called her.

"Yes, dear?" Cinque replied.

"Do you like Uncle Red-Haired?"

Cinque was startled. "I-Imotou! What kind of question is that?" she demanded, even as her face started burning in furious manner.

"But you were looking at him during dinner," Imotou suggested. "You really like him, _don't you_?"

"Can this mean you secretly harbour your feeling for Master Mondial?" Irui suggested.

"Imotou! Irui! Stop it! I have nothing to harbour for him!" Cinque protested.

Imotou and Irui laughed and hurled themselves at Cinque. "Oneechan is too shy to tell us her feeling! Let's tickle her!" They started tickling Cinque's waist, leaving the eye-patched Number limp and helpless on the floor. "We shall tickle Oneechan until she confesses to us!"

"Iyah! Stop tickling me!" Cinque yelped and gasped when Irui playfully bit her neck. "Irui! Stop it! I can't take it any longer!"

"Then Oneechan must tell us your true feeling!" Imotou said and tickled Cinque's feet. "Until you say it, we'll keep doing this!"

"Imotou! Not there! It tickles! No! Stop it! _Dame! __**AH!**_ Nove, help…"

_(Backstage, Nove could no longer control her suppressed emotion and __released it in a powerful punch onto Erio's solar plexus. "I was supposed to do that instead of them!" she protested and continued beating Erio._

"_What the fuck do I wrong?!" Erio screamed._

"_So I take it that Nove is a bi?" one stage crew suggested._

"_No way! I didn't know Nove's that masculine," his female colleague gasped._

_Nove snapped. "I am not a bi!!" she screamed._

"_And so Nove is a river in Egypt," Wendi commented._

_Ginga had to laugh. "I never thought to see this happening."_

"_Well, this is stage play," Teana said. "Stuffs like this are just screaming to be unleashed.")_

As for the audience, however, they had something else in their head about the scene.

_/ WILD IMAGINATION STARTS HERE /_

"Now, my cute Ibis…" SM Ibis said with a mischievous smile as she brushed the feather upon Ibis' neck. The Shooting Star gasped in shock, and was trembling in pleasure as the Idol kept moving the feather up and down her body.

"Stop! It tickles…" Ibis pleaded and gasped again as SM Ibis stroked the feather across her exposed thigh. "Please, no…"

SM Ibis giggled at the plea. "Hmm? I didn't know you're weak against tickling," she said and crawled up Ibis' body, the latter was lying in a submissive position on the bed. "Or is it because you didn't want to be _tickled_?" she suggested.

"Ibis…" Ibis murmured, her supple arms unconsciously wrapping around SM Ibis' neck as the Idol finally stopped. The two women's night gowns were already slipped past their shoulders, exposing their natural beauty to the world to see.

"Yes?"

Ibis closed her eyes. "Please be gentle…"

SM Ibis smiled and leaned down. "You know you don't have to ask…" she whispered and proceeded to claim Ibis' parted lips…

_/ WILD IMAGINATION ENDS HERE /_

"Hot Ibis-Ibis action? In our Nanoverse stage performance? **DO WANT!!"** the fan boys roared in approval and tossed their fists into the air.

Finally Cinque surrendered. "Okay! Okay! I'll tell you! I'll let you know!" she spoke.

"Promise?" Imotou and Irui asked as they were clinging onto Cinque.

Cinque had to nod and gave the two little girls a comforting hug. "Yes, my little sisters. I will." But instead of answering, Imotou and Irui already fell asleep and Cinque could not help laughing at herself.

"Oh, whatever…" she said and closed her eyes.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"**And so our story ends here today."**

"End? We object! We want to settle our score with Erio first!"

"**I was joking. Is it even wrong?"**

"Rori Raida is so cruel."

"**I so hate this world.**** And stop calling me Rider."**

"Now, now, Lulu-chan, instead of whining over these people, let's go and have ourselves some ice-cream to eat."

"…**sure."**

"Hey! What about this shortie!?"

"**You can just let him go or make him date you instead."**

"What? NO WAY! I'd rather die than to go out with him!!"

"**Stop pretending, Nove. You know being a river in Egypt only makes you look stupid."**

"But! But!"

"**Now how can I meet Miss Douglas?"**

"Eh? I thought you didn't have any interest on her."

"**I was talking about the Shadow-Mirror Idol, silly."**

"You surely have become quite witty, aren't you Lulu-chan?"

"**Oh, be quiet."**

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRE****D BEAST.**

This special presentation is supposed to be a parody of sorts. Please don't put your blames on the production team; consult the Author instead.

-x-x-x-x-x-

_/ somewhere in Mid-Childa /_

"Nothing beats a pleasant sunbathing…"

Chrono had ever reason to enjoy his breakaway. The bureau had approved his application for vacation, and he was glad he could escape the madness of the stage performance. Now that he had his freedom, he could use this time to bask under the sun for free vitamin D and enjoy travelling magazines he had brought alone.

Or so he thought.

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

Chrono lifted his sunglasses. He could not believe what he was seeing. "What the hell are you doing here, Graham?!"

The Extraordinary Gentleman snapped his fingers. At the cue signal, the Lotte Sisters charged at Chrono and bound him with magic spell, preventing him from moving his limbs. Chrono did not expect to meet Graham and the Lotte Sisters, so therefore he was unprepared to face such action.

"Okay, I admit this is the most outrageous reunion I know," Chrono said as he was hung over the sandy ground by the magical chains. "But what the hell is this for?"

Graham laughed. "Come on, Chrono. You know you just want to run away from your MASK inheritor."

"I have long discarded the mask, thank you," Chrono answered. "Now let go off me! I'm having my vacation right now, and you just like to ruin everybody else's day."

"Unfortunately, I can't," Graham replied. "Unless you want to have tea with me and my new friend?"

Chrono looked at the old man. "I never knew you have a new friend, Graham," he answered. "And no, I will not join you until after you let go off me."

"The same old Chrono," Graham chuckled and signalled at the twin cat-girls to undo the magical chains.

Chrono was released from the chains and dropped onto the ground, leaving him sore and irritated at the Lotte Sisters. "Okay, so tell me who is this new friend you were talking of," he said, "and you better have the tea session short because it's not why I'm here."

Graham grinned, even as he pointed to a mysterious portal that was hovering near the sea. "Consider this a secret invitation from your old friend," he said.

"A portal, eh? That's a very nice trick you have there," Chrono joked.

Graham grinned. "We'll see about that."

_/ TO BE CONTINUED WHAT /_


	9. Chapter 8

BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST**

**CHAPTER 08**

Lutecia: **"previously in Beauty and the Red-Haired Beast…"**

Flashback of Cinque, Imotou and Irui frolicking on the bed was shown on the TV screen. As usual, fan boys drooled over the sight and thought before Imotou shot them to smithereens with Master Spark.

Lutecia: **"live goes on as usual in the Mondial Mansion. Cinque is plotting her plan to escape the beautiful yet isolated prison, while her little sisters are busy with their antics-"**

"Master Spark!!" along came Imotou's voice as she shot down several extra casts with a well-aimed Master spark.

"You missed again, Imotou-chan," Irui said.

"What?" Imotou looked at the targets. She sulked in disappointment. "Aw, how can I miss?"

The audience backed away in horror. "A direct hit, and she said it missed?" they asked.

Lutecia: **"but today, the household is having something different, because for the first time in their life, the Mondial Mansion is going to organize a ballroom dance-"**

"Ah, the ever-usual "ballroom dance" cliché," an audience commented. "We know that already. Don't worry."

"Will you please stop that?" his friend reminded. "You don't want to mess with Lulu-chan, you know."

"Oh, give me a break," the audience chided. "Who else can do me harm?"

"Well I can!" So saying Yuunodas tackled the big-mouthed audience and kicked him off the "cliff", all while his fellow Spartans… I mean, Mid-Childans were howling at him in support. "No regret! No turning back! That is Mid-Childan law!"

"Howl!" the Mid-Childans replied.

"Mid-Childans!" Yuunodas shouted and threw his fist into the air. "Tonight! We dine! IN HELL!!"

Ignoring the commotion that later took place, Cinque took the cue and walked out to the stage. Her appearance caused many to shut up at awe at the splendid beauty, because instead of the already-striking Undine uniform Cinque was wearing high-heel, high-cut scarlet-coloured silk gown, complete with jewellery and tiaras. Whoever did the fashion selection must have predicted the outcome, because right now the fan boys were drooling over the hotness of Cinque's perfect body figure.

"Not too flat, and yet not too busty…" they commented. "Cinque's beauty is perfect…"

"I'd dance her if you know what I mean," another fan boy said.

"But does she compare to the hotness that is Ibis?" yet another fan boy asked. "Because Ibis has delicious flat chest!"

"Delicious flat chest do want," his friend added.

Cinque glared at the fan boys. "I can't believe perverts like them actually exists," she growled.

"At least they know the difference between DFC and Oppai," along came Erio's voice as he appeared from the other side of the backstage. "Miss Cinque, I presume, have you considered of joining the ballroom gathering?"

"Well, since I don't have anything better to do, I guess I have to say yes," Cinque said.

"Perfect, because I have longed to invite you for a dance," Erio said and offered her his hand. "You are beautiful, I know. And such beauty shall not be drained into the sewer-"

"Erio just wants to take Cinque for him to feast upon," yet another fan boy jeered. This caused Cinque to blush and Erio to cough at the uneasy thought of "feast upon", because in today's world one word can have two or more meanings. "What? I just said what my mind wanted to say." His denial gave him a good smacking down to hell as Ceiling Cat appeared and used its Holy Meow to send the unlucky human to be damned to all the eternity.

"Ceiling Cat is watching me!!" the audience hollered and bowed to the greatness of Ceiling Cat.

At the cue signal, production crew rushed to reset the stage to resemble a ballroom. Amidst the darkness that followed as Shari turned off the light, one could hear voices of distresses and cries of protests as many activities were taking place in the dark.

"Hey! Where's the limelight?"

"We have a loose screw here! Give me the power driver!!"

"Kyah! You're touching my chest! You pervert!"

"It wasn't me! I didn't even do it!"

"So die!!"

"Hey, all the sinners, put the lights on… put the lights on…"

"I like dark, because love and passion are best done in dark."

After the light returned, Erio and Cinque headed back to the makeshift ballroom where the households were preparing to greet the arrival. "I expect some waltz dancing, am I correct?" Cinque asked as she walked down the staircase.

Erio snickered. "Waltz? What is waltz? Real men do no waltz! Real men do this!" So saying he snapped his finger, and in an instant the households threw their covers and revealed themselves as-

"Hit it!"

Erio and the dance troupe danced, and at the same time the cue music of "Thriller" took place. All of the audience had their jaws drop to the ground and they had to pick it up by hand, as they never expected the Mondial Mansion to carry out such a magnificent performance. Cinque was left clueless and could only take a seat on an empty chair, watching the dance troupe in intrigue.

"Okay, who smuggled the Thriller inmate video?" Shamal asked.

"_Hold it right there, boy!"_

Everybody turned to the direction of the voice and was startled to see SM Ibis standing at the very edge of the hall, microphone held in hand and floodlight highlighting her position. There was a spark of confidence glittering from her eyes as she pointed to Erio.

"You're doing it the wrong way," she said. "Let this megastar show people how to properly steal the show." Then she made a stance, her arm raised up high, and stayed still as the crowd fell silent.

"_First I was afraid, I was petrified; kept thinking I could never live without you by my side; but I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong; I grew strong, I learned how to carry on…!"_

"SM Ibis singing? In our Nanoverse stage play? DO WANT!!" fan boys roared in approval.

"This is getting very out of control," Van murmured and headed to the exit door. "Come, Wendy. We're leaving."

"But Van, what about the agreement?" Wendy asked.

"Right now, I need some space to clear out my head," the tuxedo man sighed.

"Oh. I thought you're leaving for good," Wendy said.

The stage frenzy continued. Now SM Ibis was stealing the show, dancing and flexing her body to the music of the 70's. As predicted, Erio did not want to be left behind and let his dancers to an equally fiery step dance, and SM Ibis replied with even more vigorous vocal prowess that left everybody mesmerized. All this left Cinque all alone in her ballroom gown, and without anything better to do she left the fighting duo and met up with Imotou and Irui who were group-hugging Ibis. "Well, what do we have here?"

"So you did come," Irui said and tightened her arms about Ibis' slender waist.

"Of course I did," Ibis replied and returned the hug. "I bet it was fun doing the stage play, wasn't it?"

"You should join us, too," Imotou said. "It's really fun becoming Oneechan's little sisters."

"That is so sweet," Ibis giggled, "but who am I supposed to be? I don't see any vacancy in the list."

"Just leave it to me," Ginga said as she appeared behind Ibis. "Teana called me and asked that someone replace her."

"What happened?" Cinque asked.

"She's got a debt to settle firsthand, so she apologizes for not giving her commitment to the production," Ginga explained.

Ibis stared at Ginga's chest. Envy suddenly took over and she stooped her head in defeat at the unfair advantage. "Why must I be born with small size?" she sighed.

"Do not despair, Ibis Douglas!" fan boys shouted. "For flat chest is the symbol of status! It brings us closer to heart!"

"Ibis has flat chest, and we all know flat chest is delicious," a commentator said. "Delicious flat chest is for the win."

"Don't worry, Ibis! We still love you!" the rest of the crowd added.

Things started going out of control as the masses split into two rivalling factions, i.e. Real DFC and Oppai United, both of which have long history of bitter feud over the subject of chest size. Their quarrel soon turned into an all-or-nothing, free-for-all fur ball as each side started throwing "dumb" projectiles to precision-guided munitions and from non-directional laser to-

"Yaay! Danmaku festival!" Suwako Moriya cheered as she let loose one of her spell-cards at the masses. Childishly she laughed at the helpless people even as the tormented Sanae Kotiya chased after the goddess of mountain around the backstage.

"Alright, who let open the boundary this time?" Shamal demanded.

_(At the Hakurei Shrine, the Author, along with his distressed fiancée, was having a warm evening tea with Yukari and Reimu when the Yakumo Mansion heir sneezed. "Bless you," Lone Wolf NEO said._

"_Why, thank you," Yukari thanked.)_

"Has our universe come under attack from multi-dimensional alliance army?" Cinque asked.

"With the Empress Goddess around, it is bound to happen," Wendi answered. (Outside the hall, Haruhi sneezed.)

"Oh, you mean when SRW and Gensokyo start destroying our world we can take action?" Cinque asked again.

"Nah, don't worry. So long as Marisa doesn't steal the precious thing," Wendi convinced.

"Wonder what she will steal this time," Cinque wondered.

"Probably Getter Spark or Rasen no Chikara for good measures," Wendi said.

Meanwhile, the stage fight between SM Ibis and Erio had come to a stop only after they reached a consensus on not continuing the battle. The two performers decided it was best that they acknowledged each other's talent and cooperated in the future.

"Your skill as a singer is astounding, I admit," Erio said.

"Why, thank you. Your talent is not less impressive, too," SM Ibis said and offered a handshake. "Deal? For our future friendship?"

Erio smiled and was about to take the handshake when, mysteriously and out of nowhere, a banana peel appeared below his feet and caused him to misstep. He fell onto SM Ibis, who obviously did not see it coming, and both of them fell onto the floor with great thud. Everybody gasped at the unexpected turn of event, and their eyes bulged even more when they found Erio's face buried in SM Ibis' chest.

"Erio is lucky…" Lutecia growled in jealousy.

"Damn it! Who threw that banana peel?" Shari shouted.

Erio got off the position, wheezing for air amidst the blush that was tinting his boyish face. He remembered something and rubbed his face before he blinked. "It's flat." The remark caused SM Ibis to push Erio and stare at the red-haired boy in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"You called me flat?"

"I didn't remember saying anything about flat," Erio said.

"You… you…" SM Ibis suddenly cried. "You have no love for flat-chest girl! How could you!"

"H-hold on! I never said I didn't like flat chest!" Erio barked.

"I may not have the desirable bust size," SM Ibis sobbed. "But at least I'm proud with what I have! How could you hate this symbol of status?"

Normally people would find the statement questionable since Erio already had acquired several lolis, but considering the fact that his surrogate mother has quite a bust size ("Hey! What does my chest size have to do with this?" Fate demanded) everyone had to agree with SM Ibis for once.

"True, big size makes comfortable pillow," SM Ibis continued. "But flat chest is thousands of times better because it brings us closer to the heart. Whenever you hug a girl, you can feel her heart thumping against your chest, and… and…"

"Shadow Mirror Ibis has spoken the truth!" fan boys roared in full support. "Shadow Mirror Ibis! We! LOVE! YOU!!"

"Really? Do you really love me?" SM Ibis asked in sad voice.

"Shadow Mirror Ibis! We shall teach this red-haired brat what it takes to disgrace a beautiful girl with delicious flat chest!" they continued.

"Even if I'm not the most gorgeous girl in the world?" SM Ibis asked again.

"We shall prove how lovely you are, for we are your shield and sword!" they shouted. "Mid-Childans!"

Before the person could continue, Yuunodas already jumped in and trampled his chest. "You stole my line. You dare defying the glory of the Spartans. You shall be punished for this wrongdoing," he snarled.

"Blasphemy! This is madness!"

"This! IS! SPARTA!!" With that shouted, Yuunodas kicked the unfortunate person into the well, which received loud applauds from his men. He turned to his red-caped comrades, lifted his fist into the air and roared "Spartans!"

"Howl! Howl! Howl!" his army replied.

Erio palmed his face. "What did I just do wrong this time?" he sighed.

"You know, the more this craze continues, the longer this show degrades into a B-grade random comedy," Nanoha commented.

"Nah, Lone Wolf knows what his actual goal is, so don't worry," Hayate assured.

"Why are you so sure?" Nanoha asked.

"Because this world is not having enough insanity, and insanity is good," the Kansai-ben answered.

"I can see that, but," Nanoha said and pointed to the raccoon accessory Hayate was donning, "what are you doing in that?"

Hayate laughed and wagged the obviously fake raccoon tail. "How is it? How does it look? It looks good, isn't it?" she asked.

Cue of "Tsurupettan" took over.

-

-

The madness calmed down, only because Ceiling Cat decided to intervene with its Holy Paw and sent all the wrongdoers to be judged by Basement Cat and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu; the latter was later filing complaints to the production crew for the "excess baggage" she had to oversee, although the real contribution might be Komachi's lack of responsibility and the lack of suitable vessel to transit the souls.

"Does a Shinigami ever need a nice boat?" an audience asked.

**Kirisame Imotou killed audience with Double Master Spark. Nice Boat ****Ending acquired.**

The scene changed to a balcony, complete with a full moon backdrop and table for two. Everybody had expected something really suspicious, as Cinque and the masked Erio approached the setting and stood next to the balcony fence.

"I hope you have enjoyed the night to the fullest," Erio uttered. "Truth to be told, never before in my whole life would I meet such a gorgeous and magnificent woman. Such beauty must never be laid to waste."

"I am flattered, thank you," Cinque said. "You are also not less impressive, either. For a… Masked Man, you can actually dance."

Erio snickered, his grin visible under the mask that mysteriously resembled Char Aznabel's disguise. "My talent is nothing when it comes to the elegance that lies before me," he said and took hold of Cinque's hand. "I, for one, would like to admire this beauty up close."

"Erio-kun?" Cinque gasped.

"It doesn't matter if I am damned for all the eternity," Erio continued and sent shivers to everyone's spine by hauling Cinque in his arms. Cinque's face turned tomato red and the physical contact because as far as she could remember it was not a part of the script. "Your scarlet lips, vibrant as the rose blooming under the moonlight… your eyes, sparkling like the northern star of the heavens… your smile, more vivid than a thousand pictures…"

Cinque's blush became more visible. "W-wait! What are you doing?" Erio seemed to ignore the commotion as he bent his head down to Cinque's face, holding the eye-patched girl securely in a soft yet firm embrace. Once again the crowd split into many factions, each with different opinions regarding the scene.

"Looks like T3H MASK is showing its true colour. Where the hell is Chrono when we need to kick his damned ass?"

"To hell with Erio! We want to see Nove kissing Cinque instead!"

"Here goes the harem master. Wonder how long he's been practicing for that."

"Go for it, boy! Show them you aren't easy pushover!"

"As expected from Erio Mondial. Just as expected."

On the other hand the girls were biting fingers and tearing handkerchiefs in burning jealousy at the fact that Erio was doing the thing their "significant one" was supposed to do to them instead. Of course, we can do the exception for Nove, since she has been proven to be gay for her sister.

"This is Mahou Shoujo show, what else can we do?" SM Ibis asked.

Erio halted, only to assess the situation even though Cinque was already trembling in his arms. "Cinque…" he murmured her name and continued his descend, his lips ready to claim the moist gift.

"E…Erio-kun…" There was nothing Cinque could do, so she closed her eyes and let the Masked Man take his prize, her lips parted to accept the invitation. All of the people held their breath, expecting the two loving doves to seal their promise in a deep, passionate kiss-

"Haii! Haii! Time's up!" Wendi said as she appeared and seized Erio's collar. "You two can continue the kissing at the backstage after this, because right now our Master Mondial needs to take a very deep sleep tonight." In an instant the interference caused the audience to boo and jeer at Wendi, tossing rotten vegetables and yelling fool words at the head maid. "Why, hello? You know Master Mondial here is more ambitious to win the (CENSORED)'s Festival than to date a girl," she said.

"But he almost got his prize!" an audience protested.

"Oh, for Suwako's sake, you're just jealous because Erio bags all the ladies," Wendi replied. "Not that I really know what he's up to-"

"Yes? Did someone say my name?" Suwako asked as she appeared behind Wendi.

"Oh, here you are," Wendi said.

"Yes? Does someone need the blessing of the mountain goddess?" Suwako inquired.

"Apparently yes," Wendi answered and gestured to Erio. "Our master needs lots of luck for his quest to conquer the (CENSORED)'s Festival this weekend."

Suwako blinked. "(CENSORED)'s Festival? What is that?"

"You really don't want to know the truth," Wendi told her.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"**And so our Beauty is left with her emotion reeling and her heart pounding against her chest. If there is anything she can do to conceal her feeling-"**

Cinque put a finger upon her lips. Her mind started winding crazily at the thought of the first kiss she almost had, and her reaction only made Nove cry foul and curse Erio as much as she could.

"**-it is to leave the mansion and return home before her disappearance caused panic to her hometown fellows. Because she knows the longer she stays the longer she is subjected to the madness-"**

"Madness? This! IS! CADIA!!" Yuunodas howled and kicked the audience to curb.

"**-that, and the fact is that only manly men are allowed to participate in manly festival. Muscle flexing included."**

"Does this mean Lulu-chan digs in real men," another audience asked, "as in Real Men Ride Each Other?" Lutecia turned away, her hands cupping both her flushed cheeks as if the audience had asked an embarrassing question.

"Suddenly… TROMBE!" The Mysterious Gourmet appeared from nowhere and overridden the people with his trademark music, riding his energetic steed while shouting "Hashire, Trombe!" all the way.

"Manly festival? How would that look like, I wonder," SM Ibis asked.

"You don't want to know," Ibis sighed. "You don't really want to know."

"But we're living in a democratic nation, aren't we? Every citizen here has the right to know, right?" SM Ibis asked,

"Trust me," Ibis said and patted SM Ibis' shoulder. "Once you learn the truth, you'll swear to Suwako you're never going to know everything about it again."

**BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST**

This special presentation is supposed to be a parody of sorts. Please don't put your blames on the production team; consult the Author instead.

-x-x-x-x-x-

/ OMAKE /

"Bonus section? Aren't you getting tired already?"

Lone Wolf NEO sighed and put down the teacup. "Miss Reimu, omake is essential for an author to expand his story," he spoke, "so long as he doesn't induce madness to everybody else."

"Oh, I know what you're talking of," Yukari said. "The Scarlet Sisters… poor girls; they should've left the madness to experts. The idea of crossing our universe with theirs has overwhelmed their petty soul."

_(Flashback of Remilia helping the unconscious Flandre after the younger of the Scarlet Sisters was overrun by the thought of a massive crossover that stretches across Gensokyo. "Flan! Keep hold of yourself! Flan! Flan!") _

"I am sorry for that," Lone Wolf NEO said. "They just don't know the risk of such massive crossover, but don't worry. They'll get used to it."

"Speaking of which, have you made up your mind yet, Mister Author?" Yukari asked.

"As long as I can survive the danmaku madness, then I won't mind moving out," he said with a nod.

"Lone Wolf-san! You mean we're going to stay in Gensokyo?" Hibiki growled.

"Hey, it's the only place I know where everything and anything goes. What; don't tell me-"

"It's more than you can think of, _mou_!"

Yukari giggled. "Oh, I get it. Miss Takane is worried that her lover will chase after all the girls here. Not that I'd allow him to do that to me."

"Yakumo-san, it's more complicated!" Hibiki interjected.

"Believe me," Yukari said with a wink. "Only the bravest of the braves can and will survive the kind of madness one can find here."

"Anyway, it's going to be summer really soon," Reimu said. "Wonder if I could have extra hands to help me cleaning up the shrine."

"Well, I can ask Hibiki to help you, Miss Reimu."

"Lone Wolf-san!" Hibiki barked.

"Oh, you. You know the shrine better than I do," Lone Wolf NEO said. "Though I admit I do want to see you wearing the Hakurei maiden dress…"

"Lone Wolf-san! How could you say such embarrassing thoughts aloud?" Hibiki cried out in embarrassment.

"The law of Gensokyo states that a shrine maiden is better seen with her armpit exposed," Yukari stated (Reimu coughed in slight disagreement at the statement). "I'm sure Miss Takane's beauty will be more enhanced once she tries out the dress."

"Not even you, too, Yakumo-san?!" Hibiki protested.

_/ summer is just around the corner… /_


End file.
